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From: hedden@atux01.UUCP (D. Hedden)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: The "no is forever" doctrine
Message-ID: <165@atux01.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 20-Feb-86 13:47:26 EST
Article-I.D.: atux01.165
Posted: Thu Feb 20 13:47:26 1986
Date-Received: Sun, 23-Feb-86 06:01:56 EST
References: <167@axiom.UUCP> <1271@lll-crg.ARpA> <305@unirot.UUCP>
Organization: CSEd, AT&T Communications, Piscataway, N.J.
Lines: 49
Keywords: beyond the initial rejection
Summary: No isn't necessarily forever

In article <305@unirot.UUCP>, pooh@unirot.UUCP (Pooh) writes:
>                                      what we do if a person we ask
> out says no the first time, or stands us up.  We discovered that
> we both adopt the same practice:  we do not try again, assuming that
> if the other person is really interested, he or she will ask the
> next time.
> 
> What does everyone else think?  If you are told "no" the first time,
> do you give up?  Once you break up with someone, is it over for
> good?  Is "no" forever unless proven otherwise?
> 
> And how do you feel about someone you have said "no" to once who refuses
> to give up?

I don't feel the "No" necessarily means no forever.  I have asked
a person out again after their declining my first invitation, and
have had them go out with me then.  This has happened with several
people I have dated.  If the offer was refused emphatically, or 
any other indication given that future overtures would not be 
welcome, I have let the person alone; no hard feelings.

I have even asked a person out again after they "stood me up".
In general, I wouldn't, but twice the person has called me and
gave very reasonable explanation and an indication that they would
be interested.

I have gone out with former "steadies" long after we had broken
up and have had wonderful times when I did.  Even though we
had not formed a lasting relationship, we still have liked one
another as people, enjoyed one anothers company, and continued
to have things in common.  It has seemed to me that some very
good relationships only have worked in "small doses", that is
I have had a steady, but infrequent relationship with a person
that turned out to be very warm, sincere, and intimate; but
could not get along with them at all when interactions were
frequent.

I can't comment on how I would react to someone asking me out
after I had turned them down.  I haven't been asked that often
(one of the disadvantages of being male in our society), and
I have never said no.

Maybe I shouldn't be responding to this as I haven't been 
net.single for ten years now.  I finally found someone I loved
with whom I did like maintaining the relationship over a long time.

   "The moving hand writes ..."

    Don