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Path: utzoo!linus!decvax!cca!g-rh
From: g-rh@cca.UUCP (Richard Harter)
Newsgroups: net.women,net.singles
Subject: Re: Beach harassment (Really asking people out on dates)
Message-ID: <6364@cca.UUCP>
Date: Sun, 23-Feb-86 20:29:18 EST
Article-I.D.: cca.6364
Posted: Sun Feb 23 20:29:18 1986
Date-Received: Wed, 26-Feb-86 05:59:36 EST
References: <519@hoptoad.uucp> <130@sfsup.UUCP> <498@tekig5.UUCP> <1971@hao.UUCP> <>
Reply-To: g-rh@cca.UUCP (Richard Harter)
Organization: Computer Corp. of America, Cambridge
Lines: 39
Xref: linus net.women:8869 net.singles:9403
Summary: 

[---------- Line eating is a disgusting perversion ------------]

I've been following a discussion on asking people out on dates with
some bemusement.  Apparently the problem is -- what does it mean and
how to react if the other person is too busy for one reason or another.
How many times do you try before you give up and so on.

What's going on here?  Did somebody make up a bunch of rules that I
didn't hear about?  Is there a rule that says that you have to say
"Would you like to go and do X at time Y -- yes or no?".  Do you lose
a thousand browny points if she/he says no?

When I ask someone out on a date the conversation runs something like
this:  The first question is on the order of "would she like to get
together some evening".  The second is to ask what she would like to
do, coupled with some suggestions.  (Make it easy for her to express
a preference if she has a preference or to let her have me decide if
that's what she wants.)  The third thing is to figure out when -- I
tell her what my schedule and preferences are and ask what hers are.
Naturally there are variations -- if I have tickets for a play and
am looking for someone to go with me to it, I start from there.  If
that's out, I may go into the general routine, but that's another
matter.  Naturally there are a thousand variations -- asking someone
on the spur of the moment if they would like to do something is a
different matter from asking them out on a date.

It seems to me that this is only common sense.  I'm a busy person
and most people that I know and am interested in are busy also.
I would be interested in comments from the ladies (who are usually
on the asked rather than asking end of this bit) as to whether they
prefer this kind of approach.  And, yes, I've been on the asked side
of the fence, and have sometimes said yes and sometimes said no.
And my feeling is that the approach doesn't matter that much --
the problems are on my side.  If the answer is yes, I help work
things out to a satisfactory arrangement.  If the answer is no, I
say so in a firm but tactful way.  The problem is when I don't know
what I want to do.

	Richard Harter, SMDS Inc.