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From: woods@hao.UUCP (Greg Woods)
Newsgroups: net.women,net.singles
Subject: Re: To date? Or not to date.?  Even when you REALLY DO like the person...
Message-ID: <1974@hao.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 25-Feb-86 13:47:49 EST
Article-I.D.: hao.1974
Posted: Tue Feb 25 13:47:49 1986
Date-Received: Fri, 28-Feb-86 21:34:16 EST
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> 	When a person is the sole support of several children, as I have been
> 	for the last 8 or 9 years, you really value the time which you have in
> 	the evening.  A lot of times, going to bed at 9 or 9:30, is VERY
> 	necessary. 

   First of all, I don't believe "necessary" is really the right word,
based on what you've written here. You said your time in the evening was
valuable to you. I can relate to that. My point was, if I ask you out, I'd
rather hear either "I want to spend that evening with my kids" or "Sorry,
but I really don't want to go out with you", or even "I'm not interested
in any dates these days because I'd rather spend time with my kids" than "I'm 
too busy" which is just a camouflage and actually even a deception. If I
hear "I'm too busy" then I don't even know whether I should ask again.
What you REALLY mean is: I'd rather spend the evening at home than go out
with you. There is nothing WRONG with that, either. It's perfectly 
understandable. But one thing I CAN tell you: if you insist on looking at it
as though you HAVE to stay home and HAVE to go to bed early, instead of seeing
that it really is your choice to do so, then you won't be able to enjoy
that time as much as you would otherwise, not to mention the missed
opportunities to do other things that you will let pass by without even
considering them. In many cases like this (and I'm not saying it's true in
your case) you can even start to resent the kids for "forcing" you to stay home
all the time. People can cause themselves a lot of unnecessary grief with
this kind of "have to" outlook.

--Greg
--
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       		        !hao!woods

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