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From: norman@batcomputer.TN.CORNELL.EDU (Norman Ramsey)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: The "no is forever" doctrine
Message-ID: <281@batcomputer.TN.CORNELL.EDU>
Date: Tue, 25-Feb-86 15:39:30 EST
Article-I.D.: batcompu.281
Posted: Tue Feb 25 15:39:30 1986
Date-Received: Sat, 1-Mar-86 23:28:34 EST
References: <167@axiom.UUCP> <1271@lll-crg.ARpA> <305@unirot.UUCP>
Reply-To: norman@batcomputer.UUCP (Norman Ramsey)
Organization: Theory Center, Cornell University, Ithaca NY
Lines: 27
Keywords: Buusy, busy, busy...

These days all the interesting men and women I meet seem to be graduate students
or other academics, with the occaisional professional type thrown in. These
people shar one salient characteristic -- they are all incredibly busy. As
a result, I find it frightfully difficult to distinguish between someone who
is genuinely busy and genuinely interested, and someone who just
plain isn't interested and hasn't the guts to say so. Recently (that is, last
October) I met a woman in History with whom I established a wonderful rapport,
and very quickly. However, I haven't seen her as much as I might like because
she's been too busy, and it has taken a few months for it to become apparent
that although she is interested in me, she is far more interested in her
graduate studies (or else has succeeded in puplling the wool over my eyes
completely, which is not so terribly difficult). We still see each other
occaisionally, and claim to enjoy each other's company a good deal, but I
don't expect anything other than a casual acquaintanceship.

All this is by way of saying that I think it is good to persist in face of
a no, depending on how the no is presented. "I'd love to see you some time
but I'm not free for the next two weeks" is not something that puts me off;
I've had to say that to my closest friends. On the other hand, since people
refuse to tell me when they're relly bnot interested, I have evolved a rule of
thumb to cover these situations: I will ask someone out three times. After
that I feel I have made my interest clear and he or she is perfectly 
capable of calling me if the interest is reciprocated. It's not perfect,
but it does seem to save what might otherwise be endless hassle.

Norman