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From: tron@fluke.UUCP (Peter Barbee)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: The "no is forever" doctrine
Message-ID: <1403@vax1.fluke.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 25-Feb-86 21:13:45 EST
Article-I.D.: vax1.1403
Posted: Tue Feb 25 21:13:45 1986
Date-Received: Sat, 1-Mar-86 23:30:43 EST
References: <167@axiom.UUCP> <1271@lll-crg.ARpA> <305@unirot.UUCP>
Organization: John Fluke Mfg. Co., Inc., Everett, WA
Lines: 32
Keywords: beyond the initial rejection


How many times to ask (and receive 'no' as an answer) before giving up?

I don't have any hard and fast rules, it depends on many factors; was
she busy?, does she have a boyfriend? how interested am I? what are my
interests? (possible SO, friendly socializing). Probably the most important 
variable is, did she sound interested even though she declined?  I would 
hate to "give up" because she had a prior committment if it could have turned 
into a great thing.

We've previously discussed "how to ask someone out" and had many opinions.
Just for kicks I'll offer some of my methods here.  Of course "lines" don't
work (unless you use my favorite, "if we go swimming I'll lick you dry" |-)).
Usually I check out her interest by suggesting something innocous and
indefinite, like "we should go out dancing sometime".  If she comes back with
almost anything negative I won't continue at all, or for some time.  On the
other hand, if she responds favorably Ill go ahead and set up a specific time.
This way we can negotiiate the time, remember she already expressed an interest
in going out.  I never do this over the phone, always in person and usually I
already know the person well enough to expect a yes.

It's much harder to describe situations where I'm not truly comfortable with
the woman (as in someone I recently met).  Winging it seems to be the best
way.  I can't help but remember Richard Feynman's advice, "just ask them".

As to Pooh's second question, what to do with those that persist after
repeated refusals?  I don't know, a woman has never had to ask me out more
than twice.

Peter B

No spelling flames, the phone lines are real noisy tonight!