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From: booter@lll-crg.ARpA (Elaine Richards)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Another installment of the epic
Message-ID: <1286@lll-crg.ARpA>
Date: Mon, 3-Mar-86 03:26:08 EST
Article-I.D.: lll-crg.1286
Posted: Mon Mar  3 03:26:08 1986
Date-Received: Tue, 4-Mar-86 04:33:17 EST
Organization: Cadillac Ranch, Oakland
Lines: 82
Keywords: BOOM CRASH

**CAVEAT: THIS CONTAINS HUMOR. PLACE SELF IN SMILEY FACE MODE**
**NOT SUITABLE FOR PEOPLE DESCRIBED IN LIGHT BULB JOKES WHO DON'T LAUGH **
**AND SAY, "HEY! THAT'S >ME<!"*** CAVEAT : NO LIGHT BULB JOKES HERE*******

OK, you all (with my able assistance) have undoubtedly been wooing and courting
in the new and sanitary net.dating methods I have been serializing.

Well, gang, in my data structures class, I am learning about trees. Trees are
a lot like life. You hit a point where you are given two choices. If you get
more choices than two, your priggish teacher *INSISTS* you write an algorithm
that jams 2+n choices into two. (Rather like all the silly discussions about
differences between the sexes :-))

My mailbox is fattening up, with Mr. Kort demanding a self-portrait(in the works) and various people insisting on a net.wedding (no, not between me and them-
selves!) My roommate (who sends extremely weird cross-postings to net.religion
and net.rec and net.cooks all at the same time) insisted that life was not a
bed of roses --<--@ and not every story comes out straight.

We can take our net.couple and do three things: 
1. Marry them off
2. Split them up
3. make life weird for them.

Using the non-binary option (3-unless you want to argue LVRs or LNRs and make
me SO confused), I shall propose to describe the net.fight. (No net.pregnancy
as someone posted net.birthcontrol)


We start with the slamming door......     *   *   *
                                           \ /   /  _ *
And the scowl                           |===========|
        !!                              | |-------| |  BBBB    AA    MM   MM
     ###  ###				| |       | |  B   B  A  A   M M M M
      ==||==      			| |       | |  BBBB   AAAA   M  M  M
					| |       | |  B   B  A  A   M     M
       (^^)          	                | |       |O|  BBBB   A  A   M     M
       ====                             | |       | |
       ( )                              | |       | |
The deep and cloudy musings...    %%%   |%%%%     |%%%%%
			       %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%  %%%%%%%%%
			%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
		%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
		      \\  \\       \  \        /       \
The accusations...    // //         \  \       \   =BOOM=
                     \\ \/ =CRASH!= /  /        /

     The tears          "   "     "     "     "      "
		     "    "      "       "       '     '
You feel like life is going to the dogs 
  ____           You think your net.SO is nuts!
[](@ @)[]          ____   
[]  o  []        /      \   
[]\ ^ /[]        | m & m | 
   ===           \ ____ /   

Why, you get so mad you wanna dump core in their home directory.(men)
Your floppy disk stays that way and has no drive anymore. (women) You just
can't get hard copy from him. Swapping bytes comes only in nibbles and  you
just aren't interested in the ol' act of interfacing. You see a system 
administrator and propose a mod.dating and mod.arguments for your troubles. 
You even write to a Bootist. You bandy about words and even think of pooh-pooh 
ing the whole thing. You feel like an oaf and things can get viscious oyster 
small details.  She calls you a scumbag. Things are pretty grizzly these days.

Then comes USENIX. You actually see your net.honey in *person*! Wow, you
say, my net.honey smiled at me. "LOVE the flaming matches!", he or she says,
"The only entertainment I get all week! Sorry I haven't written, I've had
so much to do." Your friend pulls out a monstrous {joint, hard disk, chunk
o' chocolate, pile of lift tickets}. The sun shines on the apple of your eye.
You feel like NASA sent you to a beautiful nebula. An Oracle couldn't have pre-
dicted a better result.

Lucky, it was a VLR tree, or you would have gotten into the same elevator
as Oleg and Ray. (Wearing a T shirt that said "Another Programmer for Christ")


The Bootist


All names used or recognized are assumed to be the kind of folk who'd get a
kick out of being here, except for poor Oleg and Ray who haven't gotten along
well lately.(Then again, they might think the imagery amusing)