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From: kort@hounx.UUCP (B.KORT)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Interesting article
Message-ID: <645@hounx.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 3-Mar-86 09:17:13 EST
Article-I.D.: hounx.645
Posted: Mon Mar  3 09:17:13 1986
Date-Received: Tue, 4-Mar-86 05:10:06 EST
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Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel NJ
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Steve Dunn, following up a posting by Kathryn Smith, observes that
he pays more attention to a person's words (taken literally), and
less attention to tone of voice or other body language.

In S. I. Hayakawa's landmark book, _Language in Thought and Action_,
the well-known semanticist introduces the distinction between the
*message* (the literal meaning of an utterance) and the *meta-message*
encoded in tone of voice or body language.  The meta-message may
reinforce or contradict the message ("Your lips say `No' but there's
Yes-Yes in your eyes).  Some people are especially sensitive to
tone of voice and body language, and they infer a great deal from
such cues.  I have met two dyslexic adults who are weak in language
skills, but incredibly quick to pick up body language cues.
(Unfortunately, their inferences are occasionally off the mark, and
deep misunderstandings follow.)  

I believe that it is useful to pay some attention to tone of voice
and body language, and to avoid taking words too literally.  There
is useful information encoded in both channels, but neither code
is uniformly understood.  When we receive a strong message in
a channel which we don't decode well, it arouses feelings of anxiety.

Humans have a strong drive to communicate, but different people
communicate on different wavelengths.  When we become aware that
there is signal embedded in what previously appeared to be noise,
we begin the painful process of deciphering the code.

Like Steve, I am just now beginning to decode body language and
tone of voice.  At the same time, I am becoming aware of how
little of my spoken and written words are understood by people
whom I have the illusion of communicating with.  Mostly I am
very alone on this planet, with just a handfull of people who
communicate on my wavelength.

--Barry Kort   ...ihnp4!hounx!kort