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From: hunter@oakhill.UUCP (Hunter Scales)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: living with an SO
Message-ID: <654@oakhill.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 3-Mar-86 19:01:44 EST
Article-I.D.: oakhill.654
Posted: Mon Mar  3 19:01:44 1986
Date-Received: Wed, 5-Mar-86 05:46:47 EST
References: <1310@vax135.UUCP>
Reply-To: hunter@oakhill.UUCP (Hunter Scales)
Organization: Motorola Inc. Austin, Tx
Lines: 53

In article <1310@vax135.UUCP> tab@vax135.UUCP (Tracey Baker) writes:
>
>There is a very interesting article in the March '86 issue of
>Reader's Digest (at least I found it interesting) called "When
>Unmarried Couples Live Together".  The main point of the article
>is that if two unmarried people have a good relationship while
>living together, it doesn't necessarily mean that they will
>have a good marriage if & when they decide to get married.
>
:
:
>	"To maintain their living-together relationship,
>	 couples often hide from each other important aspects
>	 of their true selves."
>
:
>Comments?  Anyone out there living with an SO?  What do you
>think of this?
>

	I lived with my ex-wife for over two years before we were
married.  I don't think that we hid much from each other during that
time.   Rather, I think that, after we were married, we gradually
stopped tolerating things about each other.  It was as if, when we
were not in a formal partnership, there was always the need to put
up with things about each other that bothered us or we would split up.
Ironically, I think marriage brought with it a lessening of
committment, not a strengthening.

	Some of you may be wondering why we got married at all.
A lot of the reason was the attitude of our parents.  We were
younger (although not that young me--23, her--22) and the attitudes were
somewhat different (this was 1976-77).  Part of it was our feeling that
marriage would "settle" us and strengthen our relationship.  Now, of
course, I think this is wrong.  Marriage is only appropriate when the
two people involved think so and no one else's opinion should be
the determining factor (although they may count more or less).
And marriage is really the reflection of the depth of a relationship and
should not be counted upon to provide that strength.

	As an aside, my experience with divorce was so negative that I
doubt that I will ever  marry again.  Ours was a fairly amicable
divorce but my encounter with the legal system left a resolution never
to place myself at the mercy of the court again.  NO, not even for the
children.



-- 
Motorola Semiconductor Inc.                Hunter Scales
Austin, Texas           {ihnp4,seismo,ctvax,gatech}!ut-sally!oakhill!hunter

(I am responsible for myself and my dog and no-one else)