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From: rcj@burl.UUCP (Curtis Jackson)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Interesting article
Message-ID: <1090@burl.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 5-Mar-86 01:10:34 EST
Article-I.D.: burl.1090
Posted: Wed Mar  5 01:10:34 1986
Date-Received: Thu, 6-Mar-86 03:15:43 EST
References: <489@ssc-bee.UUCP> <1487@gitpyr.UUCP>
Reply-To: rcj@burl.UUCP (Curtis Jackson)
Distribution: na
Organization: AT&T Technologies, Burlington NC
Lines: 32
Summary: 

In article <1487@gitpyr.UUCP> ccastkw@gitpyr.UUCP (KENNETH E. WALKER) writes:
>... I can't count the times I've
>heard "you're the kind of guy I want to marry" from friends who turn around
>and damn near chase the abusers.... *I* can't figure it out... 

This used to happen to me *all* the time, until I realized that I was too
focused.  I loved the girl so much that practically everything I did was
geared to make her happy.  This is not good.  That may sound stupid, but
the most important thing is to be yourself -- and while I was being a large
part of myself (I'm such a great guy!  ;-) ) I was also denying a lot of
parts of me that were just kind of average and occasionally quite intolerable.

When I learned (fairly recently) to just be me totally, I was amazed at the
both the response from women and the great feeling I have about *me*.  Be
kind and understanding, but if you think she's being stupid then 'force' her
to look at herself in the mirror and help her come to that conclusion (or not)
on her own.  If, like me, you've been stupid so many ways yourself that you've
probably been in exactly her shoes before, you'll be well-qualified to do so
and will *really* help her.

I guess what I am trying to say is, what she (this generic girl) really means
is, "You've got just the kind of shoulder I'd like to be attached to the
guy I marry so I can cry on it."  Give her a whole person (great shoulder
firmly attached) to love, not just the shoulder!

I'd be VERY interested in hearing views other than my own on this one in
particular -- I know very well how frustrating the situation can be!
-- 

The MAD Programmer -- 919-228-3313 (Cornet 291)
alias: Curtis Jackson	...![ ihnp4 ulysses cbosgd mgnetp ]!burl!rcj
			...![ ihnp4 cbosgd akgua masscomp ]!clyde!rcj