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From: kalpin@utecfc.UUCP (Jordan E Kalpin)
Newsgroups: net.startrek
Subject: The World of Startrek--David Gerrold
Message-ID: <65@utecfc.UUCP>
Date: Sun, 2-Mar-86 10:37:23 EST
Article-I.D.: utecfc.65
Posted: Sun Mar  2 10:37:23 1986
Date-Received: Sun, 2-Mar-86 15:17:43 EST
Reply-To: kalpin@utecfc.UUCP (Jordan E Kalpin)
Organization: Engineering Computing Facility, University of Toronto
Lines: 81

I have been reading the book "The World of Startrek" by David Gerrold and I
came across a small section that I found really funny.  I don't like 
posting other people's stuff to the net but since the book is out of print
I will make an exception...Hope you enjoy it!


OPEN QUOTE

A "formula" story is the pat story, the easy story, the one that gets written
by the book.  It's a compilation of all the tried and true tricks.  It's six
devices in search of a plot.  It's a hero-vs-villain story.  It's generally a 
waste of time.
    
With Startrek, it might work something like this:

The Enterprise approaches a planet.  Something happens.  Anything.  Kirk, Spock
and McCoy get captured by six foot green women in steel brassieres.  They take
away the spacemen's communicators because they offend the computer-god that
these women worship.

Meanwhile, Scotty discovers that he's having trouble with the doubletalk
generator, and he can't fix it-the Enterprise will shrivel into a prune in two
hours unless something is done immediately.  But Scotty can't get in touch
with the Captain...

Of course, he can't...Kirk, Spock and McCoy have been brought before the high
priest of the cosmic computer, who decides that they are unfit to live.  All
except the Vulcan, who has interesting ears.  She puts Spock into a mind
zapping machine which leaves him quoting poetry (17-syllable Japanese haiku
verses) for the next two acts.  McCoy can't do a damn thing for him, "I'm a
doctor, not a critic!"  Meanwhile, it's been more than two hours since Kirk's
last piece of ass and he starts getting twitchy.  McCoy can't do anything for  
him either.  So Kirk seduces the cute priestess--there always is at least one.

On the ship, sparks fly from Chekov's control panel and everybody falls out
of their chairs.  Uhura tries opening the hailing frequencies and when she
can't, admits to being frightened.  Scotty figures only fifteen minutes are  
left.  Already the crew members are starting to get wrinkled as the starship
begins "prunifying."

Down on the planet, Kirk, Spock and McCoy are being held in the dungeon--why
is it always a dungeon?--until the girl he has seduced decides that she has
never been laid so good in her life and discards all of her years-long training
and lifetime-held beliefs to recue him, conviently remembering to bring him
his communicator and phaser.  Abruptly, Spock reveals how hard he has been 
working to hide his emotions and then snaps back to normal.  Thinking 
logically, he and Kirk then drive the cosmic computer crazy with illogic-
naturally, it can't cope; its designers never having been as smart as our
Earthmen--and it shorts out all its fuses and releases the Enterprise, just
in time for the last commercial.  For a tag, the seduced priestess promises
Kirk that she will work to build a new civilization on her planet--just for
Kirk--one where women's lib and steel brassieres will be illegal.

Sound familiar?

It should.  It's a compendium of all the bad plot devices that ever wore out
their welcome on too many Star Trek episodes.

END QUOTE

I thought that this was really funny and I hope that everyone else did.  I 
suppose having been a fan for so long, I never really looked at ST in this
way...I was too busy enjoying myself.

Sorry it anyone didn't agree or objected to me posting this.  Just to be safe
I will again mention that the above quote is from:

        "The World of Star Trek" by David Gerrold (DelRey/Ballantine)

I think the book is out of print but if it is not someone let me know.  Also,
if anyone knows how or where to get the Star Trek Concordance I would also
appreciate some E-mail.  Someone here in Toronto said it is also out of print.

Live long and prosper....

Jordan Kalpin
University of Toronto
Mechanical Engineering
kalpin@utecfc.UUCP