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From: ins_avrd@jhunix.UUCP (Victoria Rosly D'ull)
Newsgroups: net.kids
Subject: Re: teens
Message-ID: <2217@jhunix.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 14-Mar-86 16:55:41 EST
Article-I.D.: jhunix.2217
Posted: Fri Mar 14 16:55:41 1986
Date-Received: Tue, 18-Mar-86 01:17:28 EST
Organization: Johns Hopkins Univ. Computing Ctr.
Lines: 71

References: <2009@uwmacc.UUCP> <41400003@uiucdcs>

> ......
> I am going to let my oldest daughter, who is 18, respond instead.
> Here is her reply:
> 
> "As a responsible 18 year old girl, I feel that my opinions may be helpful.
> ......Anyway, my advice is this:  There are basically two kinds
> of teenage girls.  There are some, like myself and my fourteen year old
> sister, who are intelligent, mature, and moral as far as "boys and sex,"
> drugs, and alcohol go.  We are responsible in the sense that we don't
> have sex, not in the sense that we take precautions first.  Two young
> people can get "close" without sex. 
> 
> On the other hand, over one-half of the girls I have known are not
> responsible and mature.  Other kids refer to them as "sluts."
> They see no wrong in a little good sex (or a lot for that matter)
> and are usually enjoying a rebellious period in their life.
	
	Well, I've been avidly following the "teens and sex" discussion
so far, and I think I'll add my own $.02 worth of opinion.  I'm a 17-year-
old girl myself, a junior (psychology major) at Johns Hopkins University.
I consider myself to be reasonably mature, intelligent, and responsible; I
have lived under my own supervision at school for three years and am not
putting on any interesting rebellions.
	I also don't see any particular wrong in "a little good sex", as
this girl puts it, though I can't say I've ever been referred to as a "slut".
Certainly two young people can get "close" without sex; sometimes they can
also have a responsible relationship that includes it.  Not all moral codes
preclude sex entirely, although for most young people a code of common sense
requires that precautions should go along with it.


> Some
> are hopeless and talking to them is a pathetic waste of time.  It is
> enough to just throw some birth control their way, and hope they'll,
> at least, use it.

	Oh, dear.  Talking to your daughter with care and concern is never
a "pathetic waste of time".  Any girl who is "hopeless" is very likely so
at least partially because she and her parents can't or won't communicate.
And how, for that matter, is it possible to "just throw some birth control
their way, and hope they'll, at least, use it"??  Leave a package of condoms
in their lunchbox?  ("Mom, what the hell is THIS doing in here?")  That sort
of behavior would be, at best, rather offensive -- "She thinks I'm having sex,
but she won't even talk to me".

> 
> Perhaps a good book for her would be helpful......Tell her to
> never feel embarrassed or ashamed to come to you with any
> questions and problems because together you can work them out.
> Leave the lines of communication open and then leave well enough
> alone.  Teens have enough pressures without a parent's nose down
> their backs.  Show that you CARE, not that you SUSPECT.
> 
	This is very good advice.  You obviously do care enough to want to
help your daughter with these matters, and simply reassuring her that you
are available and willing to talk may help her to come to you for any advice
she wants.  Keep in mind, though, that these decisions must ultimately be 
*her own* if she is going to abide by them wholeheartedly.
  

> If you have any other questions, please feel free to throw them
> my way.  I am majoring in child psychology and take great interest
> in helping others."

    	Grown-up psychology here, but me, too :-).

	Best of luck to both of you......

						Victoria d'Ull