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From: rdh@sun.uucp (Robert Hartman)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: living with an SO
Message-ID: <3323@sun.uucp>
Date: Tue, 4-Mar-86 23:27:27 EST
Article-I.D.: sun.3323
Posted: Tue Mar  4 23:27:27 1986
Date-Received: Sat, 8-Mar-86 07:33:03 EST
References: <1310@vax135.UUCP>
Reply-To: rdh@sun.UUCP (Robert Hartman)
Organization: Sun Microsystems, Inc.
Lines: 26

In article <1310@vax135.UUCP> tab@vax135.UUCP (Tracey Baker) writes:
>... if two unmarried people have a good relationship while
>living together, it doesn't necessarily mean that they will
>have a good marriage if & when they decide to get married.
>
My SO and I live together, and have done so for several years.  We have
recently agreed to an unlimited engagement.  That was very romantic.  We talked
about marriage, and are both fairly sure that the act of "getting married"
would have a very bad effect on our relationship.

>Here is a quote ... from Matti Gershenfeld,
>
>	"To maintain their living-together relationship,
>	 couples often hide from each other important aspects
>	 of their true selves."
>
Well, maybe ... but if so it isn't deliberate (on my part anyway ;^).

>The article also says that many couples ... are afraid of marriage 
>because of seeing parents' or friends' marriages deteriorate.
>
Well, no.  Both our parents have been married forever.  I think the main issue
is children.  We plan on not having any.  If we were planning on some, then we 
would get married.  For us, marriage entails a commitment to raise children.
We aren't willing to go for that.  So, being engaged (as a commitment to be
with each other) is about as far as we want to go.   -bob.