Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.3 4.3bsd-beta 6/6/85; site decwrl.DEC.COM Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!bellcore!decvax!decwrl!dec-rhea!dec-fgvaxu!ritz From: ritz@fgvaxu.DEC Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: those damned organisms Message-ID: <1555@decwrl.DEC.COM> Date: Fri, 7-Mar-86 08:12:25 EST Article-I.D.: decwrl.1555 Posted: Fri Mar 7 08:12:25 1986 Date-Received: Sat, 8-Mar-86 22:41:28 EST Sender: daemon@decwrl.DEC.COM Organization: Digital Equipment Corporation Lines: 77 [line eater: I resent having to do this] Joe Ahearn writes: > My experience, at least, has been that while >I talk a good line about emotional sensitivity, in practice I'm >usually pretty slow to pick up emotional signals. I've also found >that while I'm comfortable relating sexually to the women I've dated, >I'm pretty awkward in the art of everyday touch. I don't know about this. I'm not so sure that many women don't have the same problems (awkwardness, occasional lack of sensitivity, etc.) they just manifest themselves differently. Is it possible that some of the syndromes we've seen discussed in these postings are due to this? That is, playing 'hard to get', being overly passive or capriciously aloof, etc. >If women recognize these types of problems so consistently, why >are they often unwilling to give the men they're involved with >the benefit of the doubt? Do they recognize them? And if so, what makes you think that the women you meet have any more control over their social behavior than you do? Having done some traveling outside this country, one thing I will agree on: American men are quite sexually agressive. One can see a thin line of difference here between what people want and what they're susceptible to. Many advertising/sales ploys work this way; first convince someone they can't live without what you've got, (there are standard techniques for accomplishing this, mostly taking advantage of unconsciously perceived 'realities') then make them think they wanted it all along. Add to this the fact that a country that treats many basic human needs (food, housing, medical care, sex) as commodities creates an atmosphere that can poison lots of minds (anything you can buy you can steal or swindle someone out of.) It's a hard, cold world full of frustration, torment and sorrow (:^}); I'm sure most of us wouldn't waste our sympathy on someone who's been fooled by a sales pitch. Ignoring it is a skill we think we've acquired, but it's a continuum - you can always fool some of the people some of the time. I personally like to think that being manipulative is its own reward; you can't go around fooling others for long without fooling yourself too. But, then again, I believe in the xmas bunny, too... > How do you go about developing these parts of your personality? Ain't like a muscle that you can exercise... Lots of reasons why people get self-centered. Do you live alone? I find the longer I (and my friends) live alone the harder it is to be empathic with another. If you're my age (mid-thirties), many of the potential partners you meet have children, and therefore not only don't live alone but have constant loving relationships happening. *I* can sure feel the difference (*heavy envious sigh*) I'll don my asbestos suit for the next statement: I personally have found little fundamental difference between the men and the women I've known. Sure, the cultural stuff is there, but when you see how other societies have evolved practices that differ so radically from ours, you just have to wonder how much is arbitrary. Do we really need to encourage separate standards of behavior for the sexes? I, for one, could happily spend the rest of my life exploring the aspects of the obvious anatomical differences without getting too bored. Or just the marvelous lack of sameness between one conscious being and another... JJRitz arpa: ritz%fgvaxu.DEC@decwrl.ARPA uucp: {decvax, ucbvax, allegra}!decwrl!dec-rhea!dec-fgvaxu!ritz "Those who put their faith in fire then fire their faith shall be repaid"