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From: purtell@reed.UUCP (Lady Godiva)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: those damned men
Message-ID: <2723@reed.UUCP>
Date: Sun, 9-Mar-86 15:37:13 EST
Article-I.D.: reed.2723
Posted: Sun Mar  9 15:37:13 1986
Date-Received: Wed, 12-Mar-86 21:58:24 EST
References: <42200027@convex> <608@mhuxl.UUCP>
Reply-To: purtell@reed.UUCP (Lady Godiva)
Organization: Reed College, Portland, Oregon
Lines: 51

In article <608@mhuxl.UUCP> amc@mhuxl.UUCP (COHILL) writes:
>> I agree with many of the recent comments regarding mens's relative
>> lack of ability to realate well with women in terms of touch and
>> emotional sensitivity. 
>> Joe Ahearn
>
>Alright. I'm mad now. I am sick and tired of all this bitching and
>moaning by some of the women on the net that "men are not  in touch
>with their feelings", "men don't know how to hug", "men don't know
>how to be expressive emotionally",.etc.
>
>Here are some facts. There are too damned many women ready to scream
>"harrassement", "rape", and make lots of insinuations (witness the
>"beach harrassment" discussion on the net) about the behavior of men.
>It is very dangerous for men to touch women, and it is women who
>have programmed men to believe this. 

	I just tried to post a
rather long article on this subject in which I distinguished between
empathy and sympathy, but it got whiped out, so maybe I'll save that for
later. 
	But I think Andy may have a point. To clarify a little, the point
of my last article (that didn't make it) was that I think that men are
at least as, if not more so, empathetic than women. Empathy being able
to actually feel (physically or emotionally) what someone else is
feeling, as if those feelings were your own. Sympathy is expressing that
feeling as understanding. That's what I think most men are not so good
at. Like Tom said, people notice a lot more than they say anything
about. I'm like that. I'm one of the most empathetic people I know, but
I'm still learning to be sympathetic (express it.) And when an empath
doesn't express his/her feelings they are called "insensitive", when
that is not the case at all. 
	To Andy's point, my experience has been this. I'm a very physical
person. I touch people a lot. I love hugs (generally speaking). And I
find that when I start touching my male friends they generally feel
very at ease to touch and hug me. Maybe because they know that I won't
be offended. That's not to say there aren't some people whom I don't
like to hug (I don't like their persona, or whatever.) but I think that
generally speaking men seem to be comfortable touching/hugging me
because they can tell that I'm comfortable with it. 

	There is one great danger to your article though Andy. It has the
potential to start the discussion of "Can you hug friends of the
opposite sex without being sexually aroused" again. God knows we don't
need that...

	Share and enjoy -

		elizabeth g. purtell

		(Lady Godiva)