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Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!cbosgd!ihnp4!houxm!hou2g!scott
From: scott@hou2g.UUCP (Mr. Berry)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Introduction, Question on "second-time" relationships
Message-ID: <820@hou2g.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 13-Mar-86 10:02:37 EST
Article-I.D.: hou2g.820
Posted: Thu Mar 13 10:02:37 1986
Date-Received: Fri, 14-Mar-86 07:01:51 EST
References: <237@ucdavis.UUCP>
Organization: The Hotel New Hampshire
Lines: 37


First let me say that this is an excellent question, not only
because it has some application to (I'd wager) a substantial
number here, but because it's pretty original; something which
is often lacking in the "cyclic" discussions occurring in this 
group.

I've never really gotten involved in a second-time relationship,
although it's been close a few times.  Since in my school days
I did quite a lot of moving around, I've only had fleeting chances
to spend much time with former SOs.  However, I have had what I'd
call "flings" (re-flings?) with former SOs. (I *really* hate that 
term, but can't suggest anything better, so...)

This has actually worked out well, partly because it wasn't convenient
distance-wise to restart anything; we were able to get together for
a few days once in a while.  The temptation to drift into a "relationship"
wasn't there.  But even during those short times, some of the reasons
for the original breakup resurfaced.  Long term incompatability, for 
instance; we could have a great time together, but couldn't live with 
it on a day-to-day basis.  Fortunately, it always worked out that
we BOTH realized this, and we BOTH understood it was a temporary thing
the second time around, so most of the pressure was gone and our friendship
grew as a result.  (Well, there WAS that one old friend, but exceptions
are just there to prove the rule anyway, right? :-))

So my experience (and advice) is to keep 'em short or not at all.

I *would* partly disagree with a previous poster who didn't trust "I can 
change" statements--I think it's just that once the relationship ends
the major impetus for change vanishes.  For people inside the relationship, 
some amount of change CAN still occur.

		=========================================
"Well, Scotty, you've really done it this time.."
"Aye, the haggus is in the fire fer shoore."
		Scott J. Berry		ihnp4!hou2g!scott