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From: woods@hao.UUCP (Greg Woods)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Introduction, Question on "second-time" relationships
Message-ID: <2005@hao.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 14-Mar-86 06:43:47 EST
Article-I.D.: hao.2005
Posted: Fri Mar 14 06:43:47 1986
Date-Received: Sat, 15-Mar-86 19:33:44 EST
References: <2750@reed.UUCP> <237@ucdavis.UUCP>
Organization: High Altitude Obs./NCAR, Boulder CO
Lines: 39

>    The above are my opinions. No criticism please. Comments welcome.

   No criticism intended, but these are my comments.

>    MY opinion is that it
> was for very stupid reasons which led to the relationship not
> working again.  I seem to forget all the bad aspects of past
> relationships and completely ignore the fact that we were
> incompatible.  

  It sounds to me more like you had the same false expectations
that you had the first time, and of course, since underneath
people never really change, it shouldn't be too surprising that
the same person ended up disappointing you yet again.

> hindsight is only 20-20 for good memories.  

  No, hindsight only works when you want to see the whole picture.

> My last girlfriend and I dated for four
> years.  During the last two we broke up several
> times 'for good', only to come back together again.  Things
> never changed.  The EXACT same arguments would pop up.

  Sounds like you never really 'broke up'; at least, the argument
as to whether you were still a couple (with the appropriate commitments)
was never resolved! Whatever those arguments were was the real issue;
sounds like you never resolved it. At the very least you could determine
the issue unresolvable, but you never even did that or you wouldn't 
have gotten back together.

> I might be bitter, but if I could give any advise to people
> it would be to never say or listen to "I can change".

  I have a better idea, which doesn't depend on the cooperation of
anyone else, and is universably applicable: don't *expect* anyone
to change, and you won't be disappointed.

--Greg