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From: gtaylor@astroatc.UUCP (Greg Taylor)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Introduction, Question on "second-time" relationships
Message-ID: <309@astroatc.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 13-Mar-86 15:18:31 EST
Article-I.D.: astroatc.309
Posted: Thu Mar 13 15:18:31 1986
Date-Received: Sun, 16-Mar-86 00:35:12 EST
References: <2750@reed.UUCP>
Reply-To: gtaylor@astroatc.UUCP (Greg Taylor)
Organization: Astronautics ATC, Madison, WI
Lines: 27
Keywords: Hello!  Do "second-time" relationships work?

The question is "do they work?". Depends on the circumstances of
the initial destruct, the view that both parties take of the real
situation, the interventions of time and other experiences not related
to the "single" life of the two
people when together.

I found myself involved in such a relationship with a woman after
a delay of some 3 or 4 years. The initial form of the relationship
was none too much on the up-and-up on my part, and there was some
intervention from her end of things (her parents). In the meanwhile
there was another engagement, a long period of no contact, and then
our meeting again under circumstance which seemed entirely to preclude
the reinitiation of things. This allowed us to get to know each other
without the pressures of "dating" or whatever, and we could freely
acknowledge the problems we encountered the first time around (on
BOTH sides, as it turned out).

A couple of years and things (a Ph.D. in a remote University for her,
lots of experience with courtship at a distance-got a lot of recordings
done-for me) later, we married. This can in no wise be considered
as evidence of anything except one instance in which it seems to 
have turned out well. This happy narrative avoids lots of embarassment
and other stuff about how things were that I consider private. Trust
me, though-there was plenty of THAT as well. Of course, if you need
any proof of my total ineffectuality as a real man, I shoul also
point out that we both moved when SHE was offered the University appt.
here. So hey. It works for wimps.