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From: purtell@reed.UUCP (Lady Godiva)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: What to do together
Message-ID: <2800@reed.UUCP>
Date: Sun, 16-Mar-86 00:57:48 EST
Article-I.D.: reed.2800
Posted: Sun Mar 16 00:57:48 1986
Date-Received: Mon, 17-Mar-86 04:08:01 EST
References: <489@ssc-bee.UUCP> <412@utastro.UUCP> <4571@mhuxd.UUCP> <2634@reed.UUCP> <4620@mhuxd.UUCP> <2669@reed.UUCP> <1697@ihlpg.UUCP>
Reply-To: purtell@reed.UUCP (Lady Godiva)
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Organization: Reed College, Portland, Oregon
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In article <1697@ihlpg.UUCP> tainter@ihlpg.UUCP (Tainter) writes:
>
>I'm sure lots of people have had this problem.  It's called incompatability.
>The usual answer is to break up and find someone else who shares more of
>your interests.  Obviously you do have some interests in common.  Have you
>tried new interests neither of you have experienced before?  (sky diving?,
>scuba/skin diving, swimming to hawaii from chicago ill.? :-} )  If you can't
>find more interests in common you are going to end up separated, so...
>...seek soon, size up and settle or separate!

	Hmmmm... I don't think that I would call it incompatability. Or at
least that's not my definition of the word. I'm not particularly
interested in "breaking up and finding someone else". I wasn't even
looking for someone when I found him. And the interests that you mention
do sound like fun but they do take money and I ain't gone none. ;-) I
didn't mean for the original posting to sound like he and I are just
biding our time waiting for someone better. We *really* do enjoy each
other's company. (I'm speaking for him, but if he has the courage to say
otherwise he can take his life in his own hands. ;-) ) 
	But, getting down to business, there was one thing about your
paragraph that really caught my eye. That was the next to the last line
- about ending up being separated. If someone asked me right now (and in
fact, people have) "Do you think that you and he will end up married?", I
would say "no". In fact, I plan to leave here in two years and some
change, and that will most likely be the end of it, if not sooner. So,
of course, the question "Why bother?" comes to mind. (At least it came
to our (my love's and my) minds.) And we did in fact find an answer.
	Now, I'm not a the kind of person who believes that going out with
someone is better than nothing. In fact, I generally prefer not going
out with anyone. So I had to come up with some sort of reason as to why
I would be putting energy into a relationship that didn't just have an
uncertain future but has almost (there is of course an element of
chance here) certainly no future, at least in the long term sense. 
	The decision that we both came to, more or less independantly, was
"What difference does it make?" We're both happy with each other, we're
in love, we're very good friends, we have fun together. Sure, we have
our problems, but somehow it usually ends up being more rewarding that
way. I've learned a hell of a lot about myself in this relationship
(it's challenged my relationship with myself a lot more than anything
else, even college, has) and I think we've each helped the other out, if
only a little. 
	Anyway, I was curious as to whether or not anyone else has ever
been in this position and what your feelings were about it. (Or what
your feelings are about my feelings about it. ;-) )

	Share and enjoy -

		elizabeth g. purtell

		(Lady Godiva)