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From: jer@peora.UUCP (J. Eric Roskos)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Love Songs
Message-ID: <2032@peora.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 17-Mar-86 21:00:33 EST
Article-I.D.: peora.2032
Posted: Mon Mar 17 21:00:33 1986
Date-Received: Wed, 19-Mar-86 01:04:27 EST
References: <1155@abnji.UUCP> <2681@reed.UUCP> <116@andromeda.UUCP> <706@ttidcb.UUCP>
Organization: Concurrent Computer Corporation, Orlando, Fl
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Keywords: :-)

[The poster lists "Time in a Bottle" as his or her favorite love song.]

I like this song also, but I must admit that it wins second prize for
"most illogical lyrics." (assuming it's the song I think it is).  Look
at these lyrics!:

	If I had a box full of memories,
	And dreams that had never come true,
	The box would be empty except for the memory
	Of how they were answered by you.

Well, Here we've got this guy with a box that's "full", but really it's
"empty".  Not only that, the only thing in it isn't what he says in the
first 2 lines is in the box... since the dreams were answered by the person
he's singing about, if the memory is in the box, it's sort of a paradox,
because then it couldn't have come true, meaning the box wouldn't be
empty... see?  Well, It's #2 as I said above because if you assume it's
"memories; and also dreams that had..." instead of "(memories and dreams)
that had..." then it's all OK, and also I like that song anyhow because
the refrain's true even if the premise isn't.

But my nominee for #1 most illogical song of all is the song "If," by
David Gates of Bread.  First of all, look at these lines:

	If a picture paints a thousand words,
	Then why can't I paint you?
	The words will never show
	The you I've come to know.

Well, the whole point of the first line is that painting is lots better
than words, so how come this guy gets all uptight about mere words?  How
come he doesn't paint a picture instead?  How come he's writing this song?
But it gets even better:

	If a face could launch a thousand ships,
	Then where am I to go?
	There's no one home but you;
	You're all that's left me to.

Well, what's this guy's problem, anyhow?  Here her face has launched
a thousand ships... but not his!  Apparently he was so unimpressed he
stayed home, and he's pretty disappointed she's the only one left there,
too!  What a thing to tell someone in a love song!  At least you can tell
by the last line that he was right about the problem with words...

Well, then it gets pretty graphic, so we'll just skip over that part now
and get on to the next bit of strange lyrics:

	If a man could be two places at one time
	I'd be with you
	Tomorrow and today
	Beside you all the way.

If they ever start a "time travel" research program, better not put this
guy in charge... he's got his space-time continuum all convoluted around
here.  Here he wants to be in two *places* at one *time*, so he can be
with her *tomorrow* and *today*... what, does he think she's a resident
of Tomorrow, Utah and Today, Arkansas at the same time?

But the ending of the song is nice, so I guess that makes up for it.
Actually I like both of those songs, because they were on the radio back
when I was young and impressionable, and they certainly are a lot better
than these songs by "Madonna" and the "Sex Pistols" nowadays... I always
thought songs written between 1971-1975 were the best (I used to think
it was just songs in 1973, but then someone pointed out to me how all
the songs I liked were written on years other than 1973... oh well...)
-- 
E. Roskos