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From: purtell@reed.UUCP (Lady Godiva)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: What to do together
Message-ID: <2848@reed.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 21-Mar-86 16:02:41 EST
Article-I.D.: reed.2848
Posted: Fri Mar 21 16:02:41 1986
Date-Received: Sun, 23-Mar-86 05:03:04 EST
References: <489@ssc-bee.UUCP> <412@utastro.UUCP>
Reply-To: purtell@reed.UUCP (Lady Godiva)
Distribution: na
Organization: Reed College, Portland, Oregon
Lines: 60
Keywords: Being in love


	After I asked for suggestions about what to do together, Hunter
Scales asked me why I was dating someone I didn't have much in common
with, a perfectly legitimate question. I responded that I was in love.
So now we come to part two of Hunter's question:

In article <661@oakhill.UUCP> hunter@oakhill.UUCP (Hunter Scales) writes:

>	I have been in that happy position, myself;  still I wonder:
>why are you in love with him?  In fact why do we "fall in love"?
>Here I'm speaking of cathexis or limmerance, not the "real thing".
>A few reasons come immediately to mind:
>
>	1) need

	I admit that I know a lot of people like that, however, I can
honestly say that I'm not one of those people. 

>	2) lust 

	Nope. I know lust very very well. This ain't it. (Or, I should
say, this isn't only lust.)

>	3) mutual interest 
	
	Already accounted for.

>	and 4) resonance --- for lack of a better term.  That wonderful
>time when you and she (or he) have all of the above.

	I'm not quite certain what you mean by this, so although I'm
tempted to discount it, I won't right away.

	I don't like the term "fall in love". It was awhile before I was
in love with my beau, and I honestly can't tell you why I love him ("the
real thing" as you put it). I can tell you this though: In spite of our
differences (which are more than just what to do together. We also have
different religious values and different ideas for what we want for our
futures.) I think he has a lot of character. He's trustworthy, works
hard, is kind, considerate, and thoughtful. Sure, he's intelligent and has
a good sense of humour but so do a lot of people. And not only are what we
like and what we want different, but so is what we are. (That's not to
say I'm not hard-working and considerate, etc. too. ;-) ) The best
analogy I can come up with is paintings. Almost since we first met I've
always told him that he reminds me of a Norman Rockwell painting. Not
any one in particular, just the whole style. Very small-town and down
homish. Me? I'm more of a Gaughin. Unusual depictions of "reality" done
up in lots of bright colours. They're both very good artists and created
fine masterpieces, but would you hang them in the same room? ;-) 

	So I guess it has nothing to do with what we like or even need,
there is just something about him, what he is. 

	Besides that, he has a charge card. ;-)

	Share and enjoy -

		elizabeth g. purtell

		(Lady Godiva)