Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP
Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!bellcore!decvax!ittatc!dcdwest!sdcsvax!ncr-sd!hp-sdd!hplabs!hao!seismo!ut-sally!utastro!wheel
From: wheel@utastro.UUCP (Craig Wheeler)
Newsgroups: net.startrek
Subject: Re: The World of Startrek--David Gerrold
Message-ID: <487@utastro.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 7-Mar-86 20:43:43 EST
Article-I.D.: utastro.487
Posted: Fri Mar  7 20:43:43 1986
Date-Received: Tue, 11-Mar-86 00:25:49 EST
References: <65@utecfc.UUCP>
Organization: U. Texas, Astronomy, Austin, TX
Lines: 63
Summary: GENERIC STAR TREK

On a local bulletin board, someone calling himself "the captain" posted this
humorous startrek takeoff...a different perspective, yet agonizingly familiar:

-----------------


The Generic Star Trek-
Episode Title: We've gone here before

The starship Enterprise is orbiting a planet which looks just like Earth
but is completely cloudless...
SPOCK: Captain, I'm picking up a strange ion cloud.. Fascinating..An energy
       never before encountered.
KIRK:  I want a complete scan. Mr. Sulu, extend orbit to 20,000 kilometers.
SULU:   Aye, Sir.
SPOCK: Captain, the cloud is closing on us at high speed.. I believe it 
may be a completely unknown form of life.
KIRK:  We can't be too sure.. RED ALERT
(The cloud envelopes the ship.)
KIRK:  Scotty, get us out of here!
SCOTTY: Sir, the bypass is barely holding. She might explode. Really, she 
just might.
KIRK:  Warp six!
SPOCK: The cloud seems to have made mental contact with (some worthless,
       insignificant lieutenant - fill in name).
KIRK:  Use the mind meld.
(Spock mind melds.)
SPOCK: (CLOUD:) You must be destroyed!
KIRK:  Ready phasers.. point blank range!
SCOTTY: Captain, the engines are goin' to blow.. I mean it! Really, I do! 
I'm not jokin'.  Me littl' darlin's are goin' to explode..
(Kirk ignores Scotty.)
MC COY: Jim, you can't fire the phasers. It might kill (insert name here)!
KIRK:  I can't risk the ship, even if it kills everyone on board.. I can't
       let the Enterprise be destroyed.. I love her, I really do.. She's 
       a beautiful woman, the only one I haven't been able to fool around 
       with.
       Fire phasers!
CHEKOV: Phasers fired, sir. Direct hit!
SPOCK: The cloud is destroyed!
MC COY: I hope you can live with yourself, Jim!
SCOTTY: Captain, I saved the engines! I (bypassed, over-rode, kicked, cursed)
        the (emergency circuits, anti-matter flow, dilithium crystals, 
        steam engine)! She'll need (real time multiplied by four) (hours, days,
        years) of repair time at a (starbase, spacedock, Fast Lube).
KIRK:   Uhura, contact (Star Fleet, starbase 4, President Reagan) and tell
        them (we'll be late delivering the medicine, to go jump in a
        black hole, to send four pizzas with everything.)
SPOCK: But that's illogical.
EVERYONE: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha...
The end.

---------------------------------------

Hope you enjoyed it!

(the "Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha..." by everyone at the end is PRICELESS!

 Its a wonder Jay Leno hasnt attacked the ridiculous "everyone-has-a-
 good-chuckle-at-the-end standard, overused by TV lately, it fits in
 with his TV material perfectly!)

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-