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Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site felix.UUCP
Path: utzoo!decvax!hplabs!oliveb!felix!daver
From: daver@felix.UUCP (Dave Richards)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: actually, who pays?
Message-ID: <1005@felix.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 26-Mar-86 17:15:52 EST
Article-I.D.: felix.1005
Posted: Wed Mar 26 17:15:52 1986
Date-Received: Fri, 28-Mar-86 02:56:33 EST
References: <489@ssc-bee.UUCP> <412@utastro.UUCP>
Reply-To: daver@felix.UUCP (Dave Richards)
Distribution: na
Organization: FileNet Corp., Costa Mesa, CA
Lines: 39
Summary: 

>In article <591@hoptoad.uucp> laura@hoptoad.UUCP (Laura Creighton) writes:
>>In article <1409@vax1.fluke.UUCP> tron@fluke.UUCP (Peter Barbee) writes:
>>>From what both Andy and Ann have said I infer that they expect the asker
>>>to be the payer.  (Note, I may have misinterpreted!)
>>>
>>>Why?  I've asked and been asked to do many things and unless "who pays"
>>>is discussed I always assume it's Dutch.  It just seems so much easier.
>>>
>>
>>It is easier if the askee has enough cash.  If they are broke, they are
>>in the unenviable position of having to say ``I'd love to, but I can't
>>because I am broke unless you pay'' all the time. For many people this
>>is difficult; it is easier to say ``No'' than to admit to being broke.

In a situation like that I would send the person a gift certificate for 
dinner for themself and a guest (anonymously, of course).  I'm sure that
some restaurants have them, and if not, you can arrange the same thing 
through American Express for any place that honors their card.  Now
you've killed two birds with one stone.  If he/she likes you they will
invite you to be THEIR guest, and you have achieved what you wanted.
If they DON'T ask you, then that may tell you something about how they
feel about you.  Then again, it may not.  Anyway, it's worth a shot.

Of course, if the person asked me if I sent the gift I would deny it,
at least until after they had asked me out.  Maybe even then.

To me there is no greater satisfaction than to give something to some-
one anonymously that they could not afford, or would just never get
for themselves.  And since they don't know who gave them the gift,
there is no way that they could be under any obligation (real or per-
ceived).  It makes you feel good, and they're happy (although puzzled).

I guess I'm overly charitable.

Dave

P.S.  Money has never been a consideration for those that I have asked
      out.  Apparently they always assume that I have plenty (I don't!).