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From: cheryl@batcomputer.TN.CORNELL.EDU (cheryl)
Newsgroups: net.women,net.social
Subject: Re: No fault divorce
Message-ID: <720@batcomputer.TN.CORNELL.EDU>
Date: Fri, 25-Jul-86 09:54:38 EDT
Article-I.D.: batcompu.720
Posted: Fri Jul 25 09:54:38 1986
Date-Received: Sat, 26-Jul-86 13:43:13 EDT
References: <1056@watdragon.UUCP> <15040@ucla-cs.ARPA> <4054@sun.uucp> <24@iwsam.UUCP> <26@iwsam.UUCP> <1547@vax1.fluke.UUCP>
Reply-To: cheryl@batcomputer.UUCP (cheryl)
Organization: Theory Center, Cornell University, Ithaca NY
Lines: 43
Xref: watmath net.women:11609 net.social:1240

In article <1547@vax1.fluke.UUCP> tron@fluke.UUCP (Peter Barbee) writes:
>>> > 	Firstly, isn't it alittle bit strong to call people 'losers'
>>> > 	in marriage. Why? Just becasue they haven't reached the 'high-level'
>>> > 	or marriage that you have?  Do you think you're better than them?
>>> 
>>People can probably be called 'losers' if their marriages failed
>>i.e. ended in divorce.  
>>...  I think it's like getting fired from a job:
>>it may not be all your fault, there may be extenuating circumstances,
>>but it's not what you would call a success.
>
>I can only hope that whenever something you do doesn't work for the best
>someone reminds you you're a failure.  Or maybe you'll change your viewpoint.

Hey, my ex MISREPRESENTED HIMSELF AS A FEMINIST before we got married.
He said "Of course you'll finish your SB at Cornell and go on to grad
school" before the wedding.  Then, afterwards, he did everything in his
power to make it impossible--"I'm sorry, but we just can't afford Cornell,
why don't you transfer to a state school?  U of I Urbana is just as good
as U of Chicago [sic] -- why don't you stay here with me?"  I defied him
on both counts (figured out a way to graduate from Cornell anyway, without
having to give them any more money, went to the U of C)  and then he had
the nerve to blame *me* for making it difficult for *him* to produce his
papers for his precious tenure.  

Yeah, it was a bad decision, but it was a bad decision based on 
disinformation provied by the enemy.  And it was *no* failure to
recognize the swindle.  Many women give in to this kind of bullshit--
how many times have you heard "well I would have gone to grad school but..."
and "well I would have had a career but..." and "well I would have
finished college but..." where the stuff following the "but" is a
bad circumstance carefully provided by their husbands.  They never
recognized how they've been cheated out of what they openly admit that
they *would* *have* *done* -- and yet they are considered successes
in their marriage.  They'd rather settle for less than admit that 
they've been swindled.  It's not *nice* to call your husband a liar
and a cheat.  I'd rather be NOT-NICE than be cheated.

Cheryl

>
>Care,
>Peter B