Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Path: utzoo!decvax!decwrl!pyramid!hplabs!tektronix!uw-beaver!ssc-vax!ssc-bee!fuji From: fuji@ssc-bee.UUCP Newsgroups: net.singles,net.women,net.social Subject: *That* Survey Again... Message-ID: <586@ssc-bee.UUCP> Date: Sat, 2-Aug-86 20:40:22 EDT Article-I.D.: ssc-bee.586 Posted: Sat Aug 2 20:40:22 1986 Date-Received: Sun, 3-Aug-86 23:57:24 EDT Distribution: na Organization: Boeing Aerospace Co., Seattle, WA Lines: 65 Xref: decwrl net.singles:15673 net.women:12338 net.social:1331 [...] Anyone catch the report on _Nightline_ the other night about the now infamous Yale (or Harvard, I forget which) *unpublished* study that stated that single women, 35 years and older have less than a 5% chance of getting married, etc, etc.? We are all now very familiar with this study since it has been bandied about in the news for awhile....I just wanted to discuss a couple of points that I picked up in the discussion on the program.... 1. "Alot of men are confused about the 'roles' they are supposed to play." i.e., Men were supposed to be macho a few years back, then they were supposed to be sensitive Phil Donahue types. They were supposed to open doors for females, then they weren't. What do women want nowadays anyway? I've run into a few problems related to this area on dates; whenever I don't know or feel uncertain, I just ask. Of course the key here is to just be yourself and not worry about how you're *supposed* to act. 2. The "Superwoman" myth. Interesting. I guess I never paid much attention before, but with the onset of feminism and women's lib alot of todays females were led to believe that they should have a good job, a husband and a family and excel in all of them. The view stated on the program: an admirable goal but realistically not possible. 3. A couple of the female columnists stated that they thought one reason that alot of the more successful women had a hard time getting married was because they became very picky as to who would be an acceptable mate, i.e. the prospective husband didn't have an equal or better job/position/status and didn't make the same or more money. They also pointed out that peer pressure also could have an effect: having well-meaning friends say, "*That* guy isn't good enough for you". (because of his job, status, etc.) Hearing this *really* bothered me. I would hope that most women did not think this way. One very interesting point was brought out: everyone is asking what's wrong with women etc., but no one is asking what's wrong with *guys*! Pretty valid since there are guys who don't want to get married and have kids (for example). Also, no one frowns upon males who choose to be bachelors but women who choose to remain single are labeled old maids. Maybe alot of guys are too picky as far as choosing mates. I personally would not be intimidated by a woman who made more money, was smarter, etc. because that kind of stuff should not enter a relationship anyway, i.e., you like or love someone for what they are, what they believe in--their morals and convictions, not because they have a status job or gobs of money. I look at alot of things in a woman: looks, personality, humor, beliefs, intelligence... but there is another important thing: she/he has to be your friend. Think of how we choose our friends. We choose friends because we can do fun things together, because we can discuss our problems, because we can have someone to bitch to and someone to confide in; we avoid people who are know-it-alls, who are rude and inconsiderate, and who are undependable. Qualities that make a good friend (or lover or mate) are independent of job, status, and wealth. The problem, of course, is finding that person (or those persons). What I've found is that we just have to take chances and keep meeting new people and *interacting*. Sometimes it just takes being the first one to say hi. Well, enough of this for now; just wanted to throw out a few things for discussion. _Glen