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From: mink@cfa.UUCP (Doug Mink)
Newsgroups: net.singles,net.women,net.social
Subject: Re: *That* Survey Again...
Message-ID: <241@cfa.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 5-Aug-86 12:14:39 EDT
Article-I.D.: cfa.241
Posted: Tue Aug  5 12:14:39 1986
Date-Received: Thu, 7-Aug-86 06:36:09 EDT
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Organization: Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics
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Xref: watmath net.singles:15174 net.women:11916 net.social:1300

> [...]
> 
> 3. A couple of the female columnists stated that they thought one reason that
>    alot of the more successful women had a hard time getting married was because
>    they became very picky as to who would be an acceptable mate, i.e. the
>    prospective husband didn't have an equal or better job/position/status
>    and didn't make the same or more money. They also pointed out that peer
>    pressure also could have an effect: having well-meaning friends say,
>    "*That* guy isn't good enough for you". (because of his job, status, etc.) 
>    Hearing this *really* bothered me. I would hope that most women did not
>    think this way.
    
I've had just this problem in the recent past.  For most of last year,
my SO was an investment banker in New York who made more than twice what
aging hippy astronomers make, and it became an issue in our relationship.
We had been friends for several years (and remain so; I talked for almost
an hour with her last night), but when it came to discussing how we would
live together, the money issue really separated us.  She also didn't think
she could explain my long hair to her business associates, though this
surfaced later.  The problem is that people who make different amounts
of money usually have different lifestyles.  I couldn't afford to dine
out frequently in Manhattan or vacation in Rio; she could, to cite two
representative examples.  It also entered into discussions of how we
would raise kids and where we would live and whether I should keep my
very satisfying and flexible, but relatively low-paying job.  The point
of this is to say that economics is a real part of a relationship, a
part of what a person is, whether you may want it to be that way or not.
Another real part of it is that a woman's career, in business and to
a lesser extent in academia, is put on hold during child-bearing to a
degree that can be lessened by the infusion of significant amounts of
money into child-care and other support systems (at least that's the
conclusion our discussions led to).  Finding a MOTAS whose expectations
are congruent to one's own is just plain tougher in a world where the
allowable expectations fill more dimensions than in the Good Old Days.

			-Doug Mink, aging hippy astronomer
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