Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Path: utzoo!decvax!decwrl!pyramid!hplabs!tektronix!tekig5!chrisa From: chrisa@tekig5.UUCP Newsgroups: net.social Subject: Re: Electronic Relationships Message-ID: <1043@tekig5.UUCP> Date: Thu, 14-Aug-86 13:41:32 EDT Article-I.D.: tekig5.1043 Posted: Thu Aug 14 13:41:32 1986 Date-Received: Sat, 16-Aug-86 06:24:09 EDT References: <162@uwmacc.UUCP> Reply-To: chrisa@tekig5.UUCP (Chris Andersen) Distribution: na Organization: Tektronix, Inc., Beaverton, OR. Lines: 90 In article <162@uwmacc.UUCP> anderson@uwmacc.UUCP (Jess Anderson) writes: > >Chris Anderson writes: > >>...we never really talked [while meeting face-to face >>a person known previously only by computer]....I think >>I might be to blame for this because my expectations >>were so high. > >Do you recall more detail about these expectations? >Can you (delicately, I suppose) characterize what it was >like qualitatively compared to your earlier expectations? Trying to learn about the nitty-gritty details huh? Personally I don't think they matter that much. The important point was that I allowed my expectations to rule my behaviour (something I've been guilty of a lot in the past). When I do this I tend to become very manipulative and this usually makes others around me uncomfortable. What were my expectations? I'm not really sure. I'd hesitate to say that it was purely sexual in nature (though that was a big part of it). I think it was basically that I wanted to start up some kind of relationship, even a friendship would do. >>...I'm a better converationalist on the computer. > >Better in what way? How do you account for that? Are >you sure it's not just your impression (that is, have >you checked it out later with someone you also knew >face-to-face)? All right! I'll confess! I took the strawberries! I can't take any more of this grilling! and please turn of that light!!! :-) ahem...your asking me to quantify something that I'm not even sure if I can qualify. For all I know I may not be any better of a conversationalist on a computer then I am in person; maybe using a computer just allows me to hide those moments when I can't think of something to say (I hate it when that happens in a normal conversation). >[Personal aside: Chris, you goin' away for good? I liked > what you were saying, so say a lot more before you go, OK?] Hopefully not for good. Gotta finish my last year of college. What happens after that is still a mystery. I probably won't be able to do anything with news at school because (1) access to the network is very restricted at RPI and (2) even when you have access its only through a *very* limited newsfeed. (I am thinking of setting up my own limited newsfeed through the mail, but I need a partner to pull it off.) >what is that *really* >differentiates these two modes of one-on-one dealing ? >Is there something significantly different (in the electronic >mode) about the one-to-many relationship, and so on. Perhaps there is no *real* difference between the forms other then our perceptions of it. Like I said, I may not be any more of a conversationalist on the computer then I am in real life; the computer just gives the impression that I am. >Chris's last point, about loss feelings when he left the >net, brings up an additional issue: what are the dangers >of electronic relationships? Difficult to say. In my case the feelings I had were just a specific example of someone having to leave a group of caring individuals and strike out on his own. The fact that that group happened to be scattered all over the world was really secondary to the entire incident. The major factor the computer played in the whole thing was that without it, I would have never gotten involved in the group in the first place (though who knows that I wouldn't have found another group in my local area?) >For example: Scenario: You're >a shy person made bold by favorable responses of your >net friends. Someone flames you mercilessly. Is your >experience qualitatively different from the analogous >"real" one? Depends on how sensitive you are. Last summer when someone would flame me I would feel it very deeply. Now after using the net for quite a while I would probably have a less severe reaction to a computer flame then to a face-to-face flame (I'm not really that good when it comes to vehement confrontation). -- My mailbox is always willing to accept letters. Yours in better understanding, Chris Andersen (chrisa@tekig5) P.S. August 26 is my last day on the net. If you want to keep in contact, then reach me before that date.