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From: barth@tellab5.UUCP (Barth Richards)
Newsgroups: talk.religion.misc,net.social,net.jokes
Subject: Re: Brother Jed returns to UKentucky with a vengeance!
Message-ID: <64@tellab5.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 16-Sep-86 14:28:26 EDT
Article-I.D.: tellab5.64
Posted: Tue Sep 16 14:28:26 1986
Date-Received: Fri, 19-Sep-86 07:26:20 EDT
References: <600@ukecc.UUCP>
Reply-To: barth@tellab5.UUCP (Barth Richards)
Followup-To: net.jokes
Distribution: net.jokes
Organization: Tellabs, Inc., Lisle, IL
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Xref: linus talk.religion.misc:101 net.social:1327 net.jokes:18946

In article <600@ukecc.UUCP> wes@ukecc.UUCP (Wes Morgan) writes:

>Well, the prophecy has finally come to pass. BROTHER JED SMOCK has returned
>to the University of Kentucky, carrying his message of hellfire and damnation.
>Of course, Sister Cindy, the "disco queen" turned evangelist wife, and
>Chastity, their 4-year-old disciple/child, were in tow.         

  ...

>Having been warned, we shall now describe today's "discussion" with Brother
>Jed.
>
>
>    Our group arrived late, having just completed a class.  Brother Jed was in
>fine form, launching into his analysis of our sex lives.  Typical passages of
>his lecture were as follows:

  [many lines of humorous but none-the-less probably true quotations from BJ]

>In the past, Jed has issued the following:
>
>   "Hey! You in the red sweater! How many men have you slept with this week?"
>
>   "You, sir, are a pervert!"
>
>   "Anyone dressing like this woman (indicate girl) is obviously looking for
>    FORNICATION!" (hand motion, audience participation)
>
> 
>
>	Needless to say, Jed has become an institution at many college campuses.
>He expresses preference for UKentucky and UFlorida. Obviously, then, we are
>the hotbeds of drug abuse, FORNICATION, ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC, and general sin.
>(Gee, and it only costs $660 per semester! They sure didn't mention *that* in
>the catalogue!)
>
>	Watch for Brother Jed Smock at *your* university.  For a good laugh and
>a good way to kill a few hours, he can't be beaten.



This all sounds strangely familiar. In Wisconsin, there is a woman who goes
by the name "Sister Pat." She tours the Wisconsin college circuit, and
for the two years that I was at Lawrence University (Appleton), would hit
our campus in mid-late May.

Among her pronouncements:

- She is perfect.

- She has conversations with god. (TWO-WAY, as in "Hi, how's it going, big
  guy?" "Oh, all right. What's shaking with you?")

- Any woman with short hair is a lesbian. (Man's hair style.)

- Any woman wearing pants is a lesbian. (Man's clothes.)

- Any woman wearing shorts (and remember, this is in late May) is a whore.
  (Engaging in public nudity.)

- Any man wearing a t-shirt is an idol worshipper. (This one's really good.
  According to SP, if you are wearing a t-shirt, you are OBVIOUSLY a
  body-builder, and body-builders are into self-worship.)

- Any man with long hair is gay. (Woman's hair style.)

  This one has a great story attatched to it. When she informed her audience
  of this fact, someone spoke up and said, "Excuse me, Christ had long hair."
  To which she replied, "NO! That's a lie! Some FRUIT painted his picture that
  way and the rest is history! He did have a beard, that's true, but he
  kept it NEATLY TRIMMED. Why he looked a lot like THAT YOUNG MAN OVER
  THERE." (pointing at yours truely) To which I responded. "I'll be
  changing water into wine and signing autographs after the show." ;-)


If you go to college in Wisconsin, I definitely recommend her act! It is
not to be missed.


			       Barth Richards
			       Tellabs, Inc.
			       Lisle, IL