Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP
Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!caip!topaz!ll-xn!mit-amt!mit-eddie!genrad!panda!husc6!seismo!nbires!hao!hplabs!tektronix!uw-beaver!tikal!phred!artm
From: artm@phred.UUCP (Art "Hot From PHX" Marriott)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Short story
Message-ID: <617@phred.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 25-Aug-86 19:40:03 EDT
Article-I.D.: phred.617
Posted: Mon Aug 25 19:40:03 1986
Date-Received: Fri, 29-Aug-86 19:15:47 EDT
References: <3180@ism780c.UUCP> <648@sdcc12.UUCP> <3213@ism780c.UUCP> <1279@ihuxb.UUCP>
Reply-To: artm@phred.UUCP (Art "Hot From PHX" Marriott)
Distribution: na
Organization: Physio Control Corp., Seattle, WA
Lines: 39

In article <1279@ihuxb.UUCP> rft@ihuxb.UUCP (Tamos) writes:
>> In article <648@sdcc12.UUCP> st94wb@sdcc12.UUCP (wade blomgren) writes:
>> >In article <3180@ism780c.UUCP>, marty@ism780c.UUCP (Marty Smith) writes:
>> >> 
>> 	Our story so far:
>> >> 
>> >>           Alice Chalmers was a bulldozer of a woman, always pushing
>> >>      people around.  Wearing yellow overalls, she would often cruise the
>> >       streets of Laredo, walking up to various innocent persons and
>> >       making a "vrooom-gzshsh" sound before body-blocking them into the
>> >       gutter.  Then one day, the Laredo city fathers met in a special
>> 	emergency meeting to decide what to do about Alice.  It wasn't so
>> 	much her brutish behavior that bothered the townsfolk as it was the
>> 	dark fumes that constantly emanated from the back side of her yellow
>> 	overhauls.
>> 	     "Something must be done," cried Jerome Peabody, owner and
>> 	operator of Jerome's Fertilizer Emporium.  "She broke into the yard
>> 	last night and mixed ten tons of cow manure in with my new
>> 	shipment of bat guano!"  Jerome was a meat and potatoes man from way
>> 	back.  He always ate his carrots first, and woe be unto he who mixed
>> 	Jerome's carrots in with his mashed potatoes.
>> 	     A number of other citizens agreed with Jerome, each standing
>> 	in turn to speak his or her mind with all the flatulence of a
>> 	fourhundred pound naked hairdresser getting up off a naugahyde
>>	couch on a hot day.  One citizen in particular however, was 
>	conspicuously silent.  With a sense of amusement, he sat in the center
>	of the room listening to and observing all that transpired.
>	     Following the meeting, several perplexed citizens quietly asked
>	him why nothing was said.  Archibald Sawyer replied, "Well, it's like
>	this.  I knew Alice when, when she was as sleek as a 'vette."  The
>	questioners were in awe.  In the 371 cumulative years of existence,
>	not one citizen could remember Alice in such a way.

Three breasts.  Bat fu.  Fertilizer fu.  Head rolls.  Hairdresser rolls.
Methane rolls.  A forty-three on the vomit meter.  Drive In Academy Awards
to Jerome and especially to Alice, for the most creative use of yellow in
recent history.

Two and a half stars. Joe Bob says check it out.