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From: rft@ihuxb.UUCP (Tamos)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Short story
Message-ID: <1279@ihuxb.UUCP>
Date: Sun, 17-Aug-86 11:53:00 EDT
Article-I.D.: ihuxb.1279
Posted: Sun Aug 17 11:53:00 1986
Date-Received: Mon, 18-Aug-86 04:32:04 EDT
References: <3180@ism780c.UUCP> <648@sdcc12.UUCP> <3213@ism780c.UUCP>
Distribution: na
Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories
Lines: 31

> In article <648@sdcc12.UUCP> st94wb@sdcc12.UUCP (wade blomgren) writes:
> >In article <3180@ism780c.UUCP>, marty@ism780c.UUCP (Marty Smith) writes:
> >> 
> 	Our story so far:
> >> 
> >>           Alice Chalmers was a bulldozer of a woman, always pushing
> >>      people around.  Wearing yellow overalls, she would often cruise the
> >       streets of Laredo, walking up to various innocent persons and
> >       making a "vrooom-gzshsh" sound before body-blocking them into the
> >       gutter.  Then one day, the Laredo city fathers met in a special
> 	emergency meeting to decide what to do about Alice.  It wasn't so
> 	much her brutish behavior that bothered the townsfolk as it was the
> 	dark fumes that constantly emanated from the back side of her yellow
> 	overhauls.
> 	     "Something must be done," cried Jerome Peabody, owner and
> 	operator of Jerome's Fertilizer Emporium.  "She broke into the yard
> 	last night and mixed ten tons of cow manure in with my new
> 	shipment of bat guano!"  Jerome was a meat and potatoes man from way
> 	back.  He always ate his carrots first, and woe be unto he who mixed
> 	Jerome's carrots in with his mashed potatoes.
> 	     A number of other citizens agreed with Jerome, each standing
> 	in turn to speak his or her mind with all the flatulence of a
> 	fourhundred pound naked hairdresser getting up off a naugahyde
>	couch on a hot day.  One citizen in particular however, was 
	conspicuously silent.  With a sense of amusement, he sat in the center
	of the room listening to and observing all that transpired.
	     Following the meeting, several perplexed citizens quietly asked
	him why nothing was said.  Archibald Sawyer replied, "Well, it's like
	this.  I knew Alice when, when she was as sleek as a 'vette."  The
	questioners were in awe.  In the 371 cumulative years of existence,
	not one citizen could remember Alice in such a way.