Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Path: utzoo!decvax!decwrl!sun!saber!matt From: matt@saber.UUCP Newsgroups: talk.bizarre Subject: Re: Short story Message-ID: <2034@saber.UUCP> Date: Tue, 19-Aug-86 05:16:38 EDT Article-I.D.: saber.2034 Posted: Tue Aug 19 05:16:38 1986 Date-Received: Wed, 20-Aug-86 20:11:51 EDT References: <3180@ism780c.UUCP> <648@sdcc12.UUCP> <3213@ism780c.UUCP> <1279@ihuxb.UUCP> <974@ucbcad.BERKELEY.EDU> Distribution: na Organization: Saber Technology, San Jose, CA Lines: 74 >In article <1279@ihuxb.UUCP>, rft@ihuxb.UUCP (Tamos) writes: >>>In article <648@sdcc12.UUCP> st94wb@sdcc12.UUCP (wade blomgren) writes: >>>>In article <3180@ism780c.UUCP>, marty@ism780c.UUCP (Marty Smith) writes: >>>> >>>> Our story so far: >>>> >>>> Alice Chalmers was a bulldozer of a woman, always pushing >>>> people around. Wearing yellow overalls, she would often cruise the >>>> streets of Laredo, walking up to various innocent persons and >>>> making a "vrooom-gzshsh" sound before body-blocking them into the >>>> gutter. Then one day, the Laredo city fathers met in a special >>> emergency meeting to decide what to do about Alice. It wasn't so >>> much her brutish behavior that bothered the townsfolk as it was the >>> dark fumes that constantly emanated from the back side of her yellow >>> overhauls. >>> "Something must be done," cried Jerome Peabody, owner and >>> operator of Jerome's Fertilizer Emporium. "She broke into the yard >>> last night and mixed ten tons of cow manure in with my new >>> shipment of bat guano!" Jerome was a meat and potatoes man from way >>> back. He always ate his carrots first, and woe be unto he who mixed >>> Jerome's carrots in with his mashed potatoes. >>> A number of other citizens agreed with Jerome, each standing >>> in turn to speak his or her mind with all the flatulence of a >>> fourhundred pound naked hairdresser getting up off a naugahyde >>> couch on a hot day. One citizen in particular however, was >> conspicuously silent. With a sense of amusement, he sat in the center >> of the room listening to and observing all that transpired. >> Following the meeting, several perplexed citizens quietly asked >> him why nothing was said. Archibald Sawyer replied, "Well, it's like >> this. I knew Alice when, when she was as sleek as a 'vette." The >> questioners were in awe. In the 371 cumulative years of existence, >> not one citizen could remember Alice in such a way. > Yes", the small but somehow *unnatural* man continued, "It was > in the old days, when man was yet young. Alice Chalmers and I > ruled a universe. We were gods, I say, and gloried in our power. > Never since has such a..." > "Oh shut up, you old fool", said Caleb Hayseed. "You're > crazy." He and the rest left the building, shaking their heads, as > the small man who had recently held their attention writhed upon the > floor making gurgling noises. > As the men left the building a loud sound from one side > drew their attention. As one man, they turned and beheld a sight > which few mortal men had seen. "Shee-it, willya lookit that!", > one gasped. Then it went away, and they continued on. > There were five of them, in the group that walked purposefully > towards Alice Chalmer's house on the outskirts of the small town. > There was Jerome, who knew his mind and spoke it; there was Caleb, > who walked tall and surveyed the town as if he owned it; there was > Mike Mulligan, a towering man with a iron jaw and a leather gut, with > a sledgehammer for a left and a telephone pole for a right; and then > there were a couple of other guys who I don't know the names of. > "Well, here we are," said Caleb. They looked down, and sure > enough, they were standing on an expanse of calico cloth. "The > outskirts of Laredo." They looked up, and there in front of them > was [the] ramshackled old building. Being careful to avoid the > bad tempered but securely bound goat, they approached the heavy iron > door with clumsy but quiet steps. The goat let go a low and menacing growl as they got close to the tin cans piled up to the side of the barely distinguishable path that lead to the front door. Suddenly, the goat burst into a loud barking. The barking was clearly audible until the last of the goat's shreds hit the ground. That was obviously a case of spontaneous barking explosion. That was the case of unruly behavior that Alice had become infamous for and it had to stop once and for all. And our clumsy heroes were about to make sure that it would be so. They dusted the goat dust off their shoulders as they continued to walk towards the house. But they weren't going straight for the front door. They veered off to ... -- * Matt Perez * DISCLAIMER: beis-ball has bean bery, bery guud too me matt@saber.uucp sun!saber!matt@decwrl.dec.com ...{ihnp4,sun}!saber!matt Saber Technology Corp / 2381 Bering Drive / San Jose, CA 95131 (480) 435-8600