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From: moriarty@fluke.UUCP (The Napoleon of Crime)
Newsgroups: net.jokes,talk.bizarre
Subject: The Softheads Song [Sung to "I'm A Lumberjack"]
Message-ID: <428@colossus.fluke.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 15-Aug-86 11:53:59 EDT
Article-I.D.: colossus.428
Posted: Fri Aug 15 11:53:59 1986
Date-Received: Thu, 28-Aug-86 03:35:11 EDT
Distribution: net
Organization: The Institute for Criminal Masterminds
Lines: 82
Xref: watmath net.jokes:3833 talk.bizarre:78

[Written by the original Joy Boys, Dave Van Ess and Kurt Guntheroth]

[In the background: Softettes singing "soft head soft head....."]

Man (soon to be a softhead): "I never wanted to be a real estate agent.  I
			      always wanted to be... A SOFTHEAD!!! [MUSIC
			      STARTS IN MARCH TIME] Yes, a softhead!!  The
			      humm of the printers!!  The plotters!!  The
			      CRTs!!

[MAN TAKES OFF CURRENT OUTER CLOTHING TO REVEAL APPLE LISA TEE SHIRT
 UNDERNEATH]

			     "With my best girl by my side, [ENTER
			      softettes] we'd sing.  Sing.  Sing."

Softhead:

		Oh, I'm a softhead and I'm alright,
		    I sleep all day and I work all night.

CHORUS: (Sung by the Softettes)
		He's a softhead and he's alright,
		    he sleeps all day and he works all night.

Softhead:
		I write clean code, from top on down,
		    all editted in Electric C.
		On Wednesdays I back up my disks,
		    and have buttered scones for tea.

Softettes:
		He writes clean code, from top on down,
		    all editted in Electric C.
		On Wednesdays he backs up his disks,
		    and has buttered scones for tea.

CHORUS

Softhead:
		I write tight code, from bottom on up,
		    with my flowchart template of course.
		    [alternative: "in structured MACRO, of course."]
		I patch the object with TECO,
		    then throw away the source.

Softettes:

		He writes tight code, from bottom on up,
		    with his flowchart template of course.
		He patches his code with TECO,
		    and throws away the source ( ?????? )

[Confused Softettes regroup quickly for CHORUS]

Softhead:

		I write tight code, with never a comment,
		    all in assembly.
		I wish I could be a FORTRAN hack,
		    just like my dear daddy.

Softettes:

		He writes tight code, with never a comment
		
		FORTRAN HACK!????? What kind of a...

(Softettes leave in disgust) .  The softhead finishes with the last chourus.
The softettes come back and demand he return his Djikstra' fan club card.
Everyone leaves.

======================================================================

			 "Catharsis is something I associate with
			  pornography and crossword puzzles." 
					-- Howard Chaykin

                                        Moriarty, aka Jeff Meyer
ARPA: fluke!moriarty@uw-beaver.ARPA
UUCP: {uw-beaver, sun, allegra, sb6, lbl-csam}!fluke!moriarty
<*> DISCLAIMER: Do what you want with me, but leave my employers alone! <*>