Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!cbatt!ihnp4!qantel!lll-lcc!lll-crg!seismo!ut-sally!im4u!milano!wex From: wex@milano.UUCP Newsgroups: soc.motss Subject: Re: Forwarded anonymous posting Message-ID: <2409@milano.UUCP> Date: Mon, 22-Sep-86 13:00:37 EDT Article-I.D.: milano.2409 Posted: Mon Sep 22 13:00:37 1986 Date-Received: Sun, 28-Sep-86 19:45:03 EDT References: <406@spdcc.UUCP> Sender: wex@milano.UUCP Distribution: net Organization: MCC, Austin, TX Lines: 53 In article <406@spdcc.UUCP>, dyer@spdcc.UUCP (Steve Dyer) sends us a reply from Paul, who writes: > This was a great eye-opener for me! It's so obvious that love is > the greatest blinder there ever was, making it next-to-impossible > to see the other person as others would. Thanks a lot, this helps! Thank you! This really made my day. I mean, here it is a Monday after a *very* emotionally-draining weekend and I get to find out I've helped somebody. What a lift! > If it's to end, what I need (for me) is adequate closure. I'll need > to talk to him to get it, probably (it always takes two). I need to > work out with myself (in advance) where my limits are and communicate > that to him in a clear but nonhostile way. On therapy for him, while > *I* feel that's *strongly* advised, I know *he* has to choose for > himself. I see couples therapy as unlikely, mainly because the notion > of couple is weak here; I could feature forming a couple with him, > though with some trepidations that would have to be worked out gingerly > over time, but I really cannot feature his getting it enough together > to do his part in anything more intense than a friendship. *That*, > indeed, is my best hoped-for outcome. Hmmm. I think this is a bad idea. I (think I) understand what you mean by "closure". In the cases where I have sought such a thing it has always turned out to be worse. Usually very painful. Sometimes, when a separation occurs "naturally" it is wisest to let Nature take its course and not try to force things. I think that this is especially true given what you've said about Stu. > Incidentally, I am fully out, a veritable pillar of local gay society. > Out at work too, and a pillar in that society as well. I posted > anonymously to seek a more detached view of myself. It has worked extremely > well, I think. Interesting. That's an angle I hadn't considered. I guess sometimes people react to the name at the top of the posting rather than its content... > > Feel free to e-mail me at the address below. Or call (512)834-3586 > > Again, people are so often quite prepared to go the extra distance for > others. Thanks, Alan. No problem. BTW, I should note that this is my work number so you need to call between 9AM and 5PM Central time. -- Alan Wexelblat ARPA: WEX@MCC.ARPA or WEX@MCC.COM UUCP: {seismo, harvard, gatech, pyramid, &c.}!ut-sally!im4u!milano!wex "True victory is victory over oneself."