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From: rb@cci632.UUCP
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: Life after graduation....
Message-ID: <405@cci632.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 24-Sep-86 13:31:18 EDT
Article-I.D.: cci632.405
Posted: Wed Sep 24 13:31:18 1986
Date-Received: Tue, 30-Sep-86 00:41:44 EDT
References: <1140@oliveb.UUCP> <2066@pur-phy.UUCP> <2997@ihuxf.UUCP> <1038@mhuxl.UUCP>
Reply-To: rb@ccird1.UUCP (Rex Ballard)
Organization: CCI, Rochester Development, Rochester, NY
Lines: 82
Summary: Some suggestions.

In article <1038@mhuxl.UUCP> davec@mhuxl.UUCP (Dave Caswell) writes:
>In article<2997@ihuxf.UUCP>(aMAZon @ AT&T Bell Labs, Naperville, IL;
>ihnp4!ihuxf!features) Writes:
>
>> Of the folks I know, the ones with the well-integrated personalities
>> are the ones who are least obsessed about sex.  This includes
>> those who practice as well as vowed celibates.  
>
>I find that the farther I am from being in a relationship, the more
>obsessed about sex I become.  Of course the obsession doesn't do me
>any good at all then.  

One possibility is to make a choice to be celebate.  It's easier
to accept if it is your choice than if it is a 'de-facto' result.
A good approach is to set some short period of time, a day, a week,
or a month, that you will not try to get a sexual realationship.
It's always possible to change your mind when the opportunity
arises :-).

>	Does anyone have any thought's about the differences between
>a school evnironment, and the work environment as far as meeting
>people goes.  The way's in which I met people while I was a student
>seem to be failing miserably in my present environment. 

I would reccomend against actively seeking relationships in the work
environment.  In school, "competition" consisted of getting better
grades, and a "break-up" might mean you would be unwelcome by a
small group of your ex-lover's friends.  In the work-place, an ex-lover
can effect your promotability, assignments, and even the job itself.

It is also a good idea to keep your nose out of the relationships
of co-workers.  If they want you to know, that's fine, but often
a loose tongue can cause serious backlashes.

>At school I
>would join various student activities that interested me, and this
>would usually bring me into contact with young women with similar
>interests.  The various group's I've checked out here in my new town
>seem to be stocked very heavily with married folks and other single
>men.

This might be a good time to persue new interests, dance or aerobics,
shopping centers, and cooking classes are good places to meet women
and also give you insight into some alternative roles and interests.
Now that you are out of school you don't have to worry as much about
being labeled a "sissy" for persuing "feminine" interests.

>Of course part of this may be the fact the Reading, PA is less
>of a metropolitan centre than anywhere else I've ever lived, nor is
>it a college town.  

One place where you can be formally introduced to single women is in
churches.  If you look even remotely respectable, many congregations
will literally "trot out" all of the single women in the group.  This
is especially true in smaller towns.

I personally avoided fundamentalist groups, because there are several
mainstream groups that are much more flexible.  U.C.C., Presbyterian,
Methodist, and Unitarian groups are very liberal.  If you are not
as "uptight" about fundamentalists, Babtists, Mormons, and other
"right wing" groups not only have special groups for single people,
but they provide extensive social activities for those groups.  Many
are more sexually aware than their doctrines might indicate as well.

Even if you aren't particularly interested in the "church girls", they
usually know other single women.  Because they know you, they are often
likely to introduce their single friends to you as well.  This is where
the "shopping trips" can be useful.  It is not often practical to
approach an unknown woman in a shopping mall or grocery store, but
if a single woman you know is shopping with a few unknown women and
happens to see you, she is quite likely to introduce you, and even
invite you to "tag along".

>	So have any of you net.singles successfully handled a
>similar transition in your own lives?  If so, how?

One area to avoid is the "big name" nightclubs and/or disco's.  Although
there are lot's of beautiful women there, they tend to be more cautious
and the conversation required to start a serious type of relationship
is rather difficult when you can't even hear yourself speak.

>Dave Caswell