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From: gary@ur-cvsvax.UUCP (Gary Sclar)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: new questions
Message-ID: <354@ur-cvsvax.UUCP>
Date: Sun, 28-Sep-86 11:20:26 EDT
Article-I.D.: ur-cvsva.354
Posted: Sun Sep 28 11:20:26 1986
Date-Received: Tue, 30-Sep-86 08:12:31 EDT
Distribution: net
Organization: Center for Visual Science, U. of Rochester
Lines: 55


		I've just been involved in a relationship that ended very
	suddenly. I've kind of been left on the ropes and this caused me to
	ponder a lot of stuff. I'd like to propose some new questions for
	discussion. The things that people have to say might well help me
	some.

	1) This woman was on the verge of forming a 
	committment with me but kept saying that she wasnt that attracted
	to me. Now its my feeling that how attracted one is to a person
	depends on how you feel about them. I was not attracted to
	her physically until I started to fall in love with her.
	From what she told me, she's always attracted to someone first, and
	then falls in love second. a) what is it that happens most often to
	people (male and female). b) which tends to work out better (love
	first or attraction first).

	2) Many women, especially on the net, seem to claim that
	superficial looks are not that important to them. Its the inner man
	that counts more (whereas the converse often seems to be true of
	men). If women are more often attracted to the "inner man" what is
	it about him that they're looking for? Exactly what is it that most
	me look for?

	3) If a woman refuses to sleep with you, after a relationship has
	started, and there are feelings there, but she doesnt want you to
	leave, what do you do? I tried to be a good guy, understanding and
	such, and to hang on until she changed. All she did was change
	partners. A friend of mine seems to think that women are more
	attracted to men who are more sexually aggressive and demanding. 
	In this situation, that means, I guess,
	that I should have been more forceful and
	less caring (ie- do it or I'm leaving). In terms of the real world
	and real people, what should I have done.

	4) How often do people really fall in love with the people they're
	sleeping with? Why do people fall in love. There have been girls
	that I've been out with, perfectly nice, who just didn't do anything
	for me. Other girls seem to spark something within me and I just
	can't seem to figure out exactly what the right combination is.
	Some of my friends claim that patterns of attraction are
	established in childhood. Others claim that you love people with
	the right half of your brain. Since speech resides in your left
	brain, it's futile to try and describe, logically, why you do it or
	what causes it. 

	Please post comments/ responses to the net, or to me at

	{decvax/seismo/cmcl2/inhp4/or other}!rochester!ur-cvsvax!gary

	or via USMAIL
	G. Sclar
	Center for Visual Science
	University of Rochester
	Rochester, NTY 14627