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From: ooblick@unirot.UUCP (Mikki Barry)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: Name Changing
Message-ID: <1079@unirot.UUCP>
Date: Sun, 28-Sep-86 14:18:00 EDT
Article-I.D.: unirot.1079
Posted: Sun Sep 28 14:18:00 1986
Date-Received: Tue, 30-Sep-86 19:12:13 EDT
References: <433@unc.unc.UUCP>
Reply-To: ooblick@unirot.UUCP (Mikki Barry)
Distribution: net
Organization: Public Access Un*x, Piscataway NJ (The Soup Kitchen)
Lines: 49

In article <433@unc.unc.UUCP> gauchs@unc.UUCP (Susan E. Gauch) writes:
>I'll probably get flamed for being a married type person posting
>to soc.singles, but what the heck.

I'm married too.  But I post to net.singles because it seems that in
a lot of ways, I am far more "single" than some who lack the piece
of paper.  Haven't been flamed yet, but if soc.singles really want
me to go away, I will.

>The decision was easy because my number one priority was to have the
>same name as my husband.  When we got married, we became members of
>the same family, and I wanted our names to reflect that.  
>We could have hyphenated our names, but that seemed like twice the
>work, and then both of us would feel weird instead of one.

Why didn't he change his to yours then?

>I never considered keeping my maiden name.  Here's the part that I 
>expect flames on.
>I find it confusing when a woman keeps her own name.  It gives me
>the same sort of feeling as when a man decides to not wear a 
>wedding band.  I wonder if there is a lack of true commitment.

I wonder if you can really make such generalizations.  And I wonder
what you mean by "true commitment".  If I have to give up a part of
myself that a man does not in order to achieve "true commitment", 
you can keep it.

As for wedding bands, I feel perfectly committed to my husband without a
"property rights" sign attatched to him (or to me).  If either of us want
to wear a wedding band, fine (in fact, I do.  I like them).  But don't
make the bad assumption that either name changing, or gold rings has
ANYTHING to do with level of commitment.  


>In conclusion, I think that every woman/couple has to make their own
>decision, but I thought I'd make an argument on the side of changing -
>it's not always just a sign of trying to conform to society.

It's not?  Then why didn't he change his name?  Why didn't you both choose
a neutral name?  And why are you trying to equate *your* name change with
commitment level?  

Yes, it is a personal decision.  Frankly, I don't care one way or the
other.  But I really resent people trying to measure my marriage by the
fact that I did NOT change my name.


Mikki Barry