Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP
Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!cbatt!ihnp4!gargoyle!sphinx!benn
From: benn@sphinx.UChicago.UUCP (Thomas Cox)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Women who treat you like shit
Message-ID: <658@sphinx.UChicago.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 29-Sep-86 17:07:46 EDT
Article-I.D.: sphinx.658
Posted: Mon Sep 29 17:07:46 1986
Date-Received: Wed, 1-Oct-86 04:09:12 EDT
References: <354@ur-cvsvax.UUCP>
Reply-To: benn@sphinx.UUCP (Thomas Cox)
Organization: U of Chicago Generic MA Program
Lines: 61

gary@ur-cvsvax.UUCP (Gary Sclar) writes:

q>	3) If a woman refuses to sleep with you, after a relationship has
>	started, and there are feelings there, but she doesnt want you to
>	leave, what do you do? 

Hey, if a woman refuses to have sex with me, I hit her over the head
and have sex with her anyway.  No, seriously.  If she "refuses" to,
then she has chosen not to.  I prefer to phrase it that way.  Fine --
my relationship with her is a complex one, and if she does not want 
to be physically intimate, then fine.  There are lots of people with
whom I am not physically intimate.  My boss, my co-workers, my friends,
my cat.  Not-having-sex just means that you're not lovers; it doesn't
keep you from being intimate on other levels.

HOWEVER!  It is very easy to have BIG problems . . . see below . . .

>	I tried to be a good guy, understanding and
>	such, and to hang on until she changed. All she did was change
>	partners. 

Here is the problem.  YOU were acting as if the two of you WERE lovers.
She promised [or as good as promised] that she might have sex w/ you
LATER, and you wanted it NOW, so you took her hint and acted like you
two were committed, while she was free to act like you were not.

>	A friend of mine seems to think that women are more
>	attracted to men who are more sexually aggressive and demanding. 
>	In this situation, that means, I guess,
>	that I should have been more forceful and less caring [. . .]

Well, I don't think you should be less caring.  I think you should be
caring WHEN IT IS APPROPRIATE.  I would say she led you on.  I would
also say that you asked for it.  And don't get hung up on sex -- she
could have slept with you and STILL played you for a sucker.  
[NB:  That is hypothetical.  I don't know the individual female in 
question.  My point is that being led on can happen in many ways.]

>	G. Sclar

The above is all just incoherent opinion.  Beware.

So's this:  if you offer all of yourself to someone who is NOT offering
all of him/herself, then you stand to get kicked.  And don't blame the
other person!  It's up to you to keep your relationships fair, honest,
and balanced.  If you are desperate for affection, and lay your heart
at the feet of any old Other, then you are looking for trouble.  You're
demanding that the Other treat you with the respect that you don't have
for your self!  A lack of self respect is VERY unattractive.  

Personally, I'm looking for companionship, not someone who's going
to spend all their time leaning on me and acting like I'm their 
effing therapist.  

Okay -- not a very constructive posting here.  Sorry.  I'll try to
make the next one better / more helpful.  Good luck to you.

Yours,

-= Thomas Cox =-
...ihnp4!gargoyle!sphinx!benn