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From: rb@cci632.UUCP (Rex Ballard)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: Nice guys finish last redivivus
Message-ID: <433@cci632.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 30-Sep-86 14:13:06 EDT
Article-I.D.: cci632.433
Posted: Tue Sep 30 14:13:06 1986
Date-Received: Thu, 2-Oct-86 21:19:07 EDT
References: <2957@pyuxd.UUCP> <184@hrcca.UUCP> <393@cci632.UUCP> <1729@curly.ucla-cs.ARPA>
Reply-To: rb@ccird1.UUCP (Rex Ballard)
Distribution: net
Organization: CCI, Rochester Development, Rochester, NY
Lines: 61

In article <1729@curly.ucla-cs.ARPA> oac6.oleg@LOCUS.UCLA.EDU (Oleg "Kill the bastards" Kiselev) writes:
>In article <393@cci632.UUCP> rb@ccird1.UUCP (Rex Ballard) writes:
>>Believe it or not, when I was having trouble meeting women (except as
>>"big brother"), I was given almost exactly that advice.  I couldn't
>>believe that it would work, but I tried it.  It was amazing how many
>>women were attracted to me when I acted like I didn't care!!  Unfortunately,
>>it backfired several times, where women I really wasn't interested in
>>were persuing me!  It was also interesting how many women lost interest
>>when I began to show some.
>
>Correct me if I am wrong. Was it the lack of interest or the lack of 
>explicit SEXUAL interest that you were exhibiting? You DID meet women
>socially; you DID talk to them; probably initiating the conversation;
>although in a non-sexual way, you DID show them attention! So you WERE
>interested in them -- AS PEOPLE, human beings, friends!
>
>Or am I completely misunderstanding you?

Yes, I did meet women socially, talk to them, show them attention, and
was interested in them.  Those women I related to in this way considered
me a friend, advisor, and "big brother".  They had little interest in
romance, sex, or even lunch.  Frequently they would ask me for advice
on how to attract some other man.

The ones I did not appear to show interest in, as people, sexually,
emotionally, or romanticly, were the ones who were were interested in
me for those purposes.  In some cases it was a real "acting job" :-).

>>I guess women feel threatened by men who are visably attracted to them.
>>I suppose also, there is the issue of the "macho" role model.  We get
>>upset when men act like that, but many women are attracted to this
>>type of man.
>
>Would a woman who goes for a "macho" image REALLY be a good candidate
>for a relationship? (One night stands are exempt from this) Would you
>(men) be comfortable with a woman who clearly exhibits physical attraction
>to you while you are really not interested in her? (Yes, Ray! Many men
>are not attracted to all women they meet even if those women are scantily
>dressed!)

No, that's why I eventually married a "friend" who had less interest in
sex, but was interested in a partnership. (I am attracted to almost
all women who are sexily dressed, but I prefer a little "stability").

>Physical attraction and display of it is fine iff both partners feel it
>at the same time (in my experience, riding the "pheromone wave" is an 
>unimaginable high and the most thrilling experience in MY life (not having
>done "crack" I am not sure it's the ultimate...)) A heavy attack of sexual 
>desire from a person you hardly know and do not really like is a different
>story. It is unpleasant.

Agreed.  In fact, the only thing better is to have a rush of heavy duty
lust for a woman you've been married to for 5 years, after several
months of celibacy.

>And, in keeping with my beliefs, I think that if *I* feel like this, OTHERS
>might feel the same way. Women included. Am I wrong?
>			Oleg Kiselev 

I hope not.
Rex B.