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From: lil@fluke.UUCP
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Love before or after attraction?
Message-ID: <363@oracle.fluke.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 1-Oct-86 19:03:54 EDT
Article-I.D.: oracle.363
Posted: Wed Oct  1 19:03:54 1986
Date-Received: Fri, 3-Oct-86 07:49:29 EDT
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Organization: John Fluke Mfg. Co., Inc., Everett, WA
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ur-cvsvax!gary writes:

       >1) This woman was on the verge of forming a committment with me but kept
       >saying that she wasnt that attracted me.[]
       >a) what is it that happens most often to people (male and female). 
          
	  I personally have only experienced falling in love first and then 
	  being sexually attracted to that person.  However, it wasn't really
	  a physical attraction as much as it was a desire to share the
	  experience with that person.
      
	  On the other hand, I have been physically and sexually attracted to
	  a few individuals and have gone as far as becoming close friends but,
	  so far they have never developed into "love".

       >2) Many women, especially on the net, seem to claim that
       >superficial looks are not that important to them. Its the inner man
       >that counts more (whereas the converse often seems to be true of
       >men). If women are more often attracted to the "inner man" what is
       >it about him that they're looking for? 

	  Of course the ideal situation would be to find someone that you are
	  attracted to on the outside as well as on the inside.

	  What are the inner qualities that attract me?  To name a few: honesty,
	  humor, self assurance, consideration towards others, an open mind, and
	  an ability to accept and not judge. 

	>3) If a woman refuses to sleep with you, after a relationship has
	>started, and there are feelings there, but she doesnt want you to
	>leave, what do you do? I tried to be a good guy, understanding and
	>such, and to hang on until she changed. All she did was change
	>partners. 

	  Just because you are attracted to someone "shouldn't" (I put emphasis 
	  on this word because I realize that sometimes things are easier said 
	  than done.) mean that you can't have a good friendship with that 
	  person because they didn't have the same feelings as you.
	
	>There have been girls that I've been out with, perfectly nice, who just
        >didn't do anything for me. 

	  Do you feel that you could be good friends with these girls?  Or can
	  you only associate with women you want to go to bed with?  This is
	  not a facetious question.  I have known men who have admitted this
	  very thing.  I am curious to see if it is more common than I would
	  hope. POLL TIME!!
	
	>Other girls seem to spark something within me and I just can't seem to 
	>figure out exactly what the right combination is.
          
	  I would have to say that this is true of me as well.  I don't think
	  that anyone can make a list and check through it with each potential 
	  they meet.  Sometimes, a person can grow on you but, I would say that
	  on the average, it is either there or it isn't.



          LA Wilder