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From: eme@mtgzz.UUCP (e.m.eades)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: Treat 'em like dirt boys
Message-ID: <2181@mtgzz.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 15-Oct-86 00:03:37 EDT
Article-I.D.: mtgzz.2181
Posted: Wed Oct 15 00:03:37 1986
Date-Received: Sat, 11-Oct-86 01:49:35 EDT
References: <56@ritcv.UUCP>
Organization: AT&T Information Systems Labs, Middletown NJ
Lines: 60

I've been reading alot of about how members are attracted to 
motas who treat them like dirt.  And alot of noise about how
(whoever) would never let anyone do that to them and others
who say well I was nice to so-and-so and (s)he dumped me and
mean to so-and-so and (s)he won't leave me alone.  What has
not been made clear to me (in all the noise, I probably missed
is) is what people mean by "treating them like dirt" or "being
mean to them".  Are we talking about the cold shoulder here,
or are we talking about physical abuse or what?

Now for some answers...

The following is strictly personal opinion which may be changed
without notice through informed discussion, or personal experience. 
Personal abuse will negate any chance of your being take seriously by me.

Why would someone stay with someone who is physically abusing them?

This has always stumped me.  The one case I know of, she stayed because
he agreed to see a psycologist, and promised not to do it again.  Since
this was not the first time he had hit her, I have no idea why she believed
him each time he promised not to do it again.  But she swore he was 
genuinely repentant and didn't think he would do it again.  Eventually
she did wise up and did leave him.

Now for the vaguer definitions of "being mean to".

Well, my mother always said that you appreciate most the things
you worked hardest for.  Which is probably where being coy came
from.  (this is NOT and endorsement, Personally I HATE it.) I
suspect that if things are too easy in the begining, when the
problems start they are not in the habit of working hard, so they
give up rather than work hard to fix them.  If the relationship
has been an uphill battle all the way, they may not notice that
the 45 degree angle has increased to a 55 degree angle.

Theory number 2.  Lots of people have learned that persistence
pays off.  So when they get the first "NO" they try, try again.

Theory number 3.  If you come on too strong (eg. chase too hard)
alot of people are turned off.  I don't like pushy people, do you?
I feel like they are a used car sales man trying to sell me something
that I'm sure I want to buy, in which case it is easier to say 
"Go away" than to take the time to see if the car is actually very
nice and just what I wanted.  Also it may not be worth the risk
of my giving an inch and having them take a mile.  (I've given
the inch before and he took the mile, and it was a royal pain to 
get that mile back.)

Theory number 4.  People are strange, illogical and can not be
explained by theories.

Theory number 5.  I'm tired of theories and this is degnerating.

-Beth Eades

Who still doesn't have a signature file or a nick name she likes
or decide whether or not to change her last name, BUT who has 
now met her long lost cousin (several times removed) Ellen and
likes her very much.