Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!caip!elbereth!rutgers!sri-spam!sri-unix!hplabs!hp-sdd!ncr-sd!ncrcae!sauron!george From: george@sauron.UUCP (george Durden) Newsgroups: soc.singles Subject: Re: Treat 'em like dirt boys Message-ID: <739@sauron.UUCP> Date: Fri, 10-Oct-86 14:46:36 EDT Article-I.D.: sauron.739 Posted: Fri Oct 10 14:46:36 1986 Date-Received: Sun, 12-Oct-86 05:38:15 EDT References: <56@ritcv.UUCP> <360@husc6.HARVARD.EDU> Reply-To: george@sauron.UUCP (george Durden) Distribution: net Organization: NCR Corp., Advanced System Development, Columbia, SC Lines: 112 In article <360@husc6.HARVARD.EDU> swa@comet.lcs.mit.edu (Steven Augart) writes: >I normally neither read nor post to the Usenet. I happened >to be looking over my roommate's shoulder, and I ran across an article >that angered me enough to make me want to reply. Therefore, while >Carol is studying, I am posting this reply from her account. > >In article <56@ritcv.UUCP> sxc8765@ritcv.UUCP (Sean P. Cunningham) writes: >> O.k. I've had just about enough of this bulls**t, I wish some >> WOMEN (not men) would explain to me why they must be treated >> like dirt for them to like you back? Yes it does sound stupid > >It sure does. > >Even though I'm not a woman, I can easily answer your question. The >answer is that you are *wrong*. Women don't need to be "treated like >dirt". Over the course of about 7 romantic relationships (the last >one of which has lasted for a year and 8 months, so far) and over the >course of innumerable friendships and acquaintanceships with women, >I've never had the distressing experience of meeting someone who >wanted to be "treated like dirt". > > > >> Signed >> Dazed Confused, etc... >> Sean@ritcv > >Revolted, offended, disgusted, etc... >SWA >--- >Steven Augart >Internet: SWA@COMET.LCS.MIT.EDU >UUCP: mit-eddie!swa After reading a few articles and replys on this subject, I felt like I had to add my observations in the collection. I have personnally witnessed and unfortunately been involved in situations where girls have submitted themselves to cruel and inhumane treatment by choice. Following are some cases of this phenomenon. Please feel free to interpret and explain these to me as I sure don't understand them, just observed and experienced them. case 1 : A girl that I have been friends with for 8+ years is dating a fellow that I have been friends with for only 7 years or so. Anyway, the girl (Allison in this article) has been dating the guy (Mark in this article) for 4 years. Mark has always been the wild type, HS football star, BIG brainless oaf type, Goodlooks, muscles, and SLOW. Allison was the HS beauty queen, model, smart, $$ in family. Anyway, Mark has openly cheated on, and cruelly abused Allison for years, Allison calls constantly for advice and someone to talk to, no problem I enjoy helping people if I can, often she is very upset, in tears. Everytime, I try to help her see what is going on and that she has many alternatives and a very bright future, soon to grad from Pharmacy School. Mark, on the other hand, is a security officer at our Statehouse, no goals, future etc. She refuses to acknowledge the dire future that this relationship is headed for, as for the abuse, she thinks its her fault, because she is not good enough to him. Which is obviously wrong. I tried to help her to no avail... She still hangs on hoping for happiness in the future, a future that will probably never arrive. case 2 : This case involves me in the action, so I'm probably biased, but I'll try to present it in a unbiased manner. The girl in this case is a mid 20s school teacher from a small town further south. I met this girl (Lisa in this article) while studying Engineering at USC. We hit it off great, right from the start. She was coming down off of a long term relationship that had gone sour, and was not ready for another indepth relationship, just a strong friendship. Great for me, I loved just talking to her, and having a fun time sharing things. Well, things progressed and we did get romantically involved. All along she had told me about her previous SO and his domineering actions and demands that he had made, and how they had realized their unreconcilable differences. Let me note here that it was she who first admitted to romantic desires. Lisa is a very intelligent girl, goals, aspirations, a strong desire to be in control of her life, all very admirable qualities. Shortly before graduation, her previous SO reentered the scene. Old emotions were soon rekindled, they had dated for over 4 years and were real close to marriage when they broke up, the competition began. I'm not real hot on competing for a person as if they are a prize, so I just tried to act normal and be my usual self, and if she so desired, I would be her choice, heck, I was my first choice... Anyway things continued along nicely until graduation. She went home to visit, and never left again. She now teaches in a small country school, and lives with her family. When we talk, she tells of her dating Jeff (previous SO) again and how he is just as demanding, and demeaning as ever and that she is very unhappy, but that's life. Well I tried to let her know that she does have alternatives and that I would like to be one of them, but she seems to have lost her desire to be herself, and now is allowing herself to be overrun by Jeff. It really irks me to hear her tell me how much I helped her when she was down, and etc, when I can see how bright a future she could have with someone who would let her or even give her support to be herself (not even necessarily me.) Yet she is sticking with this cretin that only cares about himself. But none of it seems to matter... There must be something about love that throws logic out the door. These cases are only scenarios that I have witnessed, I have heard horror stories of many more. I refuse to generalize the actions witnessed as traits of an entire species, but I would like to understand why this does occur at all. It's obvious that these types of things have been around for quite a while, since "Good Guys Finish Last" has been around for quite a long time. Oh well... Sorry if my views have offended anyone, but I am always ready to share and learn from others so if you think differently, let me know how you all feel, or what you think, and I'll do likewise. G.A. Durden ncrcae!sauron!george