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From: tjc@hrcca.UUCP (Tom Chapin)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: Treat 'em like dirt boys
Message-ID: <213@hrcca.UUCP>
Date: Sat, 11-Oct-86 19:13:59 EDT
Article-I.D.: hrcca.213
Posted: Sat Oct 11 19:13:59 1986
Date-Received: Sun, 12-Oct-86 13:23:34 EDT
References: <56@ritcv.UUCP> <2181@mtgzz.UUCP>
Organization: AT&T - Hickory Ridge - Lisle, IL
Lines: 69

Beth Eades writes:
> Why would someone stay with someone who is physically abusing them?

Usually the abuser shows immediate repentance and promises never ever to
do it again (till next time).  The abusee usually makes excuses based on
the abusee's feelings that they deserve abuse, and accept the
repentance.  Both the abuser and abusee need to play the game with each
other.

I don't see why Beth specifies physical abuse.  To me, emotional abuse
is as bad as physical.  In fact, physical wounds tend to heal faster,
and are harder to rationalize away.

> 
> Now for the vaguer definitions of "being mean to".
> 
> Well, my mother always said that you appreciate most the things
> you worked hardest for.  Which is probably where being coy came
> from.  (this is NOT and endorsement, Personally I HATE it.) I

Very good point.  Some, luckily not all, people are socialized into
the myth that desirable partners are always hard to get.  This gets
combined with the natural tendency to try to get a partner who one
considers superior to oneself.  So the ugly partner, or the older one,
or the poorer one, or the lower class one tries to make up for the
inequity by self-sacrifice...

> Theory number 2.  Lots of people have learned that persistence
> pays off.  So when they get the first "NO" they try, try again.

Hmm, never could get into that.  If someone wants me and I want them,
all they gotta do is let me know.  If they say they don't when they do,
then they are a liar, and I'm better off without them.  (I say that in
retrospect--at the time I wanna die.)

> 
> Theory number 3.  If you come on too strong (eg. chase too hard)
> alot of people are turned off.  I don't like pushy people, do you?

Hmm again.  If I desire someone, then no amount of honesty on their part
about wanting me is going to turn me off.  And I suspect that for most
women in turn, if their favorite movie star or whatever just couldn't
take no for an answer their feelings would be similar.  When people get
turned off is when the person is borderline or below.  Then desire gets
redefined as pushiness because having to say no causes guilt and guilt
is uncomfortable.  Anyway, yes I do like pushy people - they are honest.
And I would feel better about myself if I were more "pushy."

> Theory number 4.  People are strange, illogical and can not be
> explained by theories.

Um, yeah.

> -Beth Eades
> 
> Who still doesn't have a signature file or a nick name she likes
> or decide whether or not to change her last name, BUT who has 
> now met her long lost cousin (several times removed) Ellen and
> likes her very much.

And who writes thoughtprovoking articles like her cousin.

-- 
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
Tom Chapin  @  AT&T-RM, Hickory Ridge Conference Centre, Lisle, IL 
	       (312) 971-5652 & (312) 960-0481   {ihnp4,allegra}!hrcca!tjc

		       Sitting quietly, doing nothing,
		Spring comes, and the grass grows by itself.