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From: Muffy@arisia.berkeley.edu (Muffy Barkocy)
Newsgroups: soc.singles,soc.women
Subject: Re: partners/cuts in pay/etc (was: Re: Yale-Harvard marriage study)
Message-ID: <1449@jade.BERKELEY.EDU>
Date: Mon, 13-Oct-86 23:53:28 EDT
Article-I.D.: jade.1449
Posted: Mon Oct 13 23:53:28 1986
Date-Received: Thu, 16-Oct-86 08:18:05 EDT
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Reply-To: Muffy@arisia.UUCP (Muffy Barkocy)
Organization: Symbolics Education Services, San Francisco
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Xref: linus soc.singles:619 soc.women:340

In article <844@tymix.UUCP> whitehur@tymix.UUCP (Pamela K. Whitehurst) writes:
>In article <1397@jade.BERKELEY.EDU> Muffy@arisia.UUCP (Muffy Barkocy) writes:
>> [me on differences between my mother making more money than me and my SO
>>  making more money than me]
>
>Another difference: your mother is probably not planning on a long term
>live-in situation.  As a parent, one of my goals is to see that my child
>becomes  a self-supporting adult. For some span of time we will be separate
>households tied together by caring. Our individual choices of things such
>as  children, careers, and living locations will have minimal impact
>on each others future. [Her complaints about effects on inheritance will
>be ignored :-)]
>
True, but as long as I *am* living with her (and moving with her), her
career/moving/living choices *will* have an effect on me.

>The realtionship between SOs is different if they are planning for 
>a long term, live-together relationship. Their choices have a  greater
>effect on each other. Usually they are moving toward a mutually-supporting
>relationship instead of self-supporting one.
>
I should hope so! and I think this answers your question further down...

>
>And would your opinions change if he chose a job without considering
>your future in the area?   I don't object to making sacrifices for
>a relationship,  but both people have to make sacrifices, and both
>have to eventually gain.   It does not have to be a monitary gain,
>it does have to be valuable to the receiver.
>
Which opinions? About being willing to move along with him?  Not really,
because if we really are working on a "mutually-supporting relationship",
he wouldn't act that way, and if he did, I would guess that our relation-
ship was not what I thought it was, and I would indeed have a lot of things
to reconsider.

>       Pamela K. Whitehurst 


                       Muffy

Muffy@SCRC-STONY-BROOK.ARPA (really CERRIDWYN.SSF.SYMBOLICS.COM, but
                             this doesn't work right (yet? ever?))
muffy@arisia.berkeley.edu, muffy%arisia@Berkeley.EDU,
muffy%arisia@ucbjade.BITNET
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