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From: edhall@randvax.UUCP (Ed Hall)
Newsgroups: soc.singles,soc.women
Subject: Re: internal conflicts wrt sexual stimuli and so on
Message-ID: <529@randvax.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 18-Sep-86 05:07:37 EDT
Article-I.D.: randvax.529
Posted: Thu Sep 18 05:07:37 1986
Date-Received: Tue, 23-Sep-86 03:31:04 EDT
References: <911@gilbbs.UUCP> <1143@oliveb.UUCP>
Reply-To: edhall@rand-unix.UUCP (Ed Hall)
Organization: Rand Corp., Santa Monica
Lines: 36
Xref: linus soc.singles:69 soc.women:31
Summary: Something more appropriate to net.women.

Keywords:

A very dear friend of mine once pointed out that obvious sexual
``hunger'' was a real turn-off for most women, and that as long as I
gave the impression of being in sexual need I'd generally ``strike
out''.  It's been years, and my attitudes have changed a lot since
then--at least partly from the realization that she was right, a
realization reinforced by my experiences.

I'm not just talking about lust here; mutual lust is a mutual turn-on.
But when the sexual desire is unfocused, and when just about anyone
fitting certain basic criteria becomes an object of that desire, it
becomes a very unattractive thing.

It's not hard to see why this is so.  Just about everybody wants to
feel that they're special, at some level; this is plain human nature,
and just as important in the first five minutes of a relationship as
in the first 50 years.  It doesn't matter how ``sensitive'' and
``understanding'' you are; if the person you are with feels like they
could just as well be someone else, they aren't going to want to get
involved.  Hell, you might be sensitive and understanding with
everyone.

People, of either sex, generally don't like being just sex objects.
They might love being lusted after by an approriate someone who
focuses that feeling *especially* on them, but if that glint in the
other person's eye is based solely on raw biological need and has
nothing to do with them as people, it is repulsive.

This all leads back to feminism 101 (doesn't this group always seem to
do this?): being a sex object is degrading.  Some traditional women
might accept men treating them as a sex object as ``the way men are''
[are you listening, Jeff W?], but it just ain't sexy to be thought of
as a piece of meat--perhaps more or less tasty than some other piece
of meat but meat nonetheless.

		-Ed Hall
		decvax!randvax!edhall