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Path: utzoo!linus!axiom!gts
From: gts@axiom.UUCP (Guy Schafer)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: A Sane Man Will Repair Or Replace Your .Signature Quote.
Message-ID: <356@axiom.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 14-Oct-86 01:16:52 EDT
Article-I.D.: axiom.356
Posted: Tue Oct 14 01:16:52 1986
Date-Received: Tue, 14-Oct-86 06:32:58 EDT
Organization: Axiom Technology, Newton MA
Lines: 39
Keywords: Invest now before the new tax laws go into effect.

+-----------------+
|Sane White Male  |
| looking for new |
|.signature quote.|
+-----------------+

How many times had I picked up the personals and found this pathetic
plea?  Oh god, can I ignore the anguished cries of my beloved fellow
humans?
OK, OK.  Pity the man who was born with as great a gift as mine.  O
why am I such a compassionate man?
For a limited time only, I will accept commisions on original works of
art.  That's right, now you can own an original Schafer .signature
quote.
Look at how some other collector's .signatures have appreciated:

"Understand or leave." was issued at $19.95 and is now worth $65.

"Gilt are the chains of god."  Issue price: $25.  Current value: $95.

And the classic:
	"I have tasted my sister's menstrual blood as well as my own
	orgasmic emissions--the red with beef, the white with seafood."
	--The Cooks of Bokonon. 1:5
Issued at $22.50, now worth an incredible $685.

[Not all .signatures go up in value.  Some go down.]

Get your order in early.  Satisfaction guaranteed.  If, for any reason,
you decide not to use the Schafer .signature quote, just write to our
customer relations dept. at /dev/null.

Mail your requests to
	>< ...{ decvax!linus || seismo!harvard }!axiom!gts

	"Why don't you take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut?
	 Why don't you take a flying fuck at the moooooooooooon?"
	      --Dr. Wilbur Daffodil-11 Swain
		Final President of the United States of America.