Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Path: utzoo!hoptoad!amdcad!amdahl!ihnp4!homxb!homxc!paco From: paco@homxc.UUCP Newsgroups: alt.flame,talk.bizarre Subject: When did they sneek a Mormon onto the Net? (now: EST) Message-ID: <1896@homxc.UUCP> Date: Tue, 27-Oct-87 12:12:39 EST Article-I.D.: homxc.1896 Posted: Tue Oct 27 12:12:39 1987 Date-Received: Thu, 29-Oct-87 06:09:07 EST References: <1004@puff.wisc.edu> <1797@homxc.UUCP> <4274@well.UUCP> <1846@celtics.UUCP> Organization: Shrewsbury Twp, NJ Lines: 138 Keywords: EST, Golgafrincham, Bill Griffith, slumgullion, Dial Soap, trick-or-treat bags full of napkins Xref: hoptoad alt.flame:377 talk.bizarre:8045 Summary: Indeed. In article <1846@celtics.UUCP>, roger@celtics.UUCP (Roger B.A. Klorese) writes: > In article <4274@well.UUCP> slf@well.UUCP (Sharon Lynne Fisher) writes: > >I like drugs, alcohol, and caffeine as much as anybody (more than some :-)), > >but I respect the right of somebody else to say they don't like it. > > If you respect ANYTHING or ANYONE... > > get the FUCK out of ALT.FLAME! > -- Indeed, after reading Mr. R.B.A. Klorese's rather eloquent analysis of the situation, I feel proud to be part of the Netnews Community. Don't you? And all I can think of to say about Sharon Lynne Fisher, for the next few synaptic firing periods at least, is: "Lookie here, Missy, if you feel some insatiable predilection to go spreading your pseudo-Liberal, atavistic, sniveling, ululant lacrimatory and general weeping and gnashing of teeth into blatant public view throughout the world, or at least throughout the current "alt." and "talk." distribution, then please make it interesting. Otherwise, GO MOAN ALONE." By now we have pretty much deduced the fact that neither Mormons nor Johos possess a full set of chromosomes and hence cannot be treated with the respect which is due and proper for full-fledged Humanoids. Good. However, some poor soul out there asked yours truly to clairfy certains remarks made previously concerning a peculiar branch off Mankind's native phylum known as EST. Ah, now the real fun begins. You can fool all of the people some of the time, you can fool some of the people all of the time, but mention the ideas of money, organization, success and hype all in the same sentence to some poor mental midget who happens to fall under the general human characterization of "Yuppy" then he/she will most likely start drooling. A long time ago, possibly upwards of at least twenty years as the story goes, some moral bastard of a doctor started what for all intents and purposes can be considered a cult, called EST. I believe the "E" comes from his last name: Erhardt or Eckheart, something along the lines of Hearinghard or Peckerhard or Dickhard or Bleedheart, except that it begins with an "E" and sounds like a Good German Name. The other two letters have sumthin-or-uther to do with "success" and "training" and "seminars", but definately not "sexually transmitted" albeit rather close in some instances as you will see. The Great Big Idea being (for those of you who did not live consciously through the Early Seventies when this was a real Hip And Trendy sort of thing to do) that you take people with reasonably high financial resources and rather disproportionally average mental facilities, and convince them that by joining EST, taking various training seminars and working hard with other people just like themselves that they can become something that they currently are not, namely bright, going-somewhere and emotionally stable. The catcher is that to join EST, one must pay a major sum of money up front and sign on the dotted line to pay more with no questions asked. Supposedly, that helps you to build courage and hence contributes to your ultimate success. FUNNY THING. About five years ago, some poor retch of a loser at work was trying to drum up recruits for EST. He had few friends, but worked in our project and made a continued, pitiable plea for people to "come along to a meeting with him." "I can't tell you what it is for, but it will change your life," he claimed. Sounded like a great opportunity to bend a few minds and enjoy some profound social recreation, so I agreed to tag along on this adventure. A couple nights later, he and another social misfit from work treated me to a grandiose dinner, pumped me full of beer and then dumped yours truly in the middle of a rather large and overtly friendly gathering in the middle of an industrial zone business complex next to the San Jose Airport. No deposit, no return. People were chatting, greeting each other with the typical "Peace be with you" nonsense that social/mental misfits use in place of cocktails. It was my lucky night since this was a big recruiting meeting for the local EST chapter and some of the brass had come down to survey the flock. Before long we broke into small groups, which gave the "sales staff" a chance to show slides and launch their pitch about "how EST will change your life... for the better." Much bullshit that I won't go into, but the bottom line was "pay $500 up front, come to our meetings, pay for additional training seminars and you will become successful." Then came the welcome break, a time for Questions And Answers and free coffee, quite welcome because even for me the bile had risen to dangerous record levels. EST uses a novel technique, which fortunately neither the Mormons, Moonies nor Johos have sequestered enough cerebral fortitude yet to mimic. During the coffee break, I noticed a definate two-on-one pattern to the game. Every new recruit suddenly had two devout member escorts to play Q&A and make small talk. Believe me, it was more sales pitch than small talk. However, I intercepted their novel technique right off: the two halfbacks would try to steer conversation into determining where the opponent goalie's interests lie; then one of the halfbacks would excuse him/herself, find a fullback waiting in the hallway, whisper a few sentences and then introduce the fullback into the two-on-one play. And worlds of wonder, wouldn't you know it, but the new devout member would just coincidentally be an expert on whatever the newcomer had recently mentioned as an interest. FUNNY THING. So I started fucking with their minds and inventing dire interests in everything from para-skiing to animal gynecology. They intercepted the play everytime. This kind of major bullshit session quickly deteriorated into a stalemate, so after a while some of the brass came over and tried to give a sales pitch with considerable grandfatherly overtones. Just to make conversation, I acted pissed, rude and decidedly sociopathic to tweak the guy. EST quickly changed their lineup and sent me out into a quiet hallway with a young, pretty, single, female member. FUNNY THING. Suddenly the topic turned again. She would just LOVE to have me join. "Pay $500 and sign the registration forms, we'll be good friends." Indeed, it soon became apparent how much she might love me to join, as I noticed her thighs rubbing past my knees, past my thighs and straight into my crotch. Right out in the hallway. Mind you, she wouldn't likely make the next Swimsuit Issue of of Sports Illustrated, but she had a real Earthy, musky kind of attraction, the kind of woman whom you would imagine initiating a gang bang during a backpacking trip. So I played the gambit for almost all it was worth, at least until people started leaving the meeting and a had a chance to put a visual stranglehold on one of the bastards from work who had originally deposited me into this mess. The point is, that was five goddamn years ago, and I want to know what these bastards are up to now. What with AIDS, Yuppies, Vanna, and The Cosby Kids, one would guess that EST has an even stronger following these days. DOES ANYBODY HAVE A CLUE ABOUT EST, ESPECIALLY IN THE GREATER NEW YORK AREA? Because inquiring minds want to know. Wash warm, tumble dry, and remember to warn children about the risk of death through electric shock. paco. ----- ihnp4!homxc!paco ... 201/61-L4PAW ... _____ _ _ __ _ _ | ( \/ ) / ) _(_)_ { } | \ / / (_) (_) +-|-+ _____ \/ /___ /_\ / \