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From: msmith@topaz.rutgers.edu (Mark Robert Smith)
Newsgroups: comp.edu,rec.humor
Subject: cruelty to undergrads
Message-ID: <18618@topaz.rutgers.edu>
Date: 8 Mar 88 23:19:23 GMT
Reply-To: msmith@topaz.rutgers.edu (Mark Robert Smith)
Organization: M. R. Smith Consulting, New Brunswick, NJ
Lines: 61

Reprinted without permission from _The_Rutgers_Review_ 3/8/88

Stupid Faculty Tricks
---------------------
by Michael Levine

RUTGERS STATE UNIVERSITY GUIDELINES FOR DEVISING UNDERGRADUATE
EXAMINATIONS

     1. When creating the test, compile enough problems so that the
student can only spend 3.25 seconds on each one in order to complete
the exam on time.
     2. If the difficulty level of the average homework problem is
equal to some number, N, then the difficulty level of the average test
problem should be equal to 43*N(N+4)!
     3. Make six different versions of the test.
     4. When administering the exam, spend the first 25 minutes [out
of 80 - ed] of the student's valuable time explaining the twelve typos
on each page, but do NOT write them on the board.  If you really have
to, hieroglyphics is most recommended.
     5. Every five to ten minutes, remind the class how much time they
have remaining.
     6. After grading the test, leave it in the office for two to
three weeks and in the meantime, remind the students that the grades
were not at all too good.
     7. Eventually, promise the students that they will be brought the
next time the class meets, which you intentionally plan as a long,
boring lecture.
     8. When the grades tests are brought to class, and before the
lecture is started, draw a chart on the board illustrating the
following:
          - The number of A's, B's, C's,D's, and F's there were.
          - The percentage of the class that received each of the
            grades.
          - The average score.
          - The highest and lowest score.
          - The median score.
But DO NOT hand back the exams until the VERY LAST MINUTE before the
class period ends.
     9. Placing all the exams in one unorganized pile on a desk in the
BACK of the room is the advised technique in returning any written
academic work.
    10. Explain to the students that the test was intentionally
designed to be impossible to pass, but after the curve, a 45% would be
equivalent to a C.
    11. Next, inform the students that if there are any questions
regarding the point-bartering is hated and although all comments will
be considered, they more likely will NOT change anyone's grade.
[I think that was a typo, but that's the way it read. - ed]
    12. Finally, attend every meeting you possibly can for the next
two weeks and avoid manitaining any office hours at all costs.


Followup to the appropriate group.
Mark

-- 
Mark Smith (alias Smitty) "Be careful when looking into the distance,
RPO 1604, CN 5063        that you do not miss what is right under your nose."
New Brunswick, NJ 08903   {backbone}!rutgers!topaz.rutgers.edu!msmith 
msmith@topaz.rutgers.edu  msmith%topaz.rutgers.edu@CUNYVM.BITNET