Path: utzoo!mnetor!uunet!husc6!mailrus!ames!pasteur!ucbvax!ucsd!sdcc6!sdcc3!ma179aav From: ma179aav@sdcc3.ucsd.EDU (Stephen Hartford) Newsgroups: comp.sys.amiga Subject: How to build an Amiga 3000. Message-ID: <4164@sdcc3.ucsd.EDU> Date: 12 Apr 88 18:58:35 GMT Reply-To: fools@siberia.edu Organization: University of California, San Diego Lines: 79 Keywords: Amiga 3000 San Diego Amiga Users Group Summary: AMIGA 3000 FANATICS PLEASE READ!!! I feel as though it is time to reveal what has become known as "the greatest mystery of the year." As many of you have guessed by now, the Amiga 3000 showed at the San Diego Amiga Users Group April meeting was part of perhaps the largest April Fools joke ever enacted (at least using the Motorola family of microprocessors). First of all, the disclaimers. Nobody in the SDAUG knew about the prank except the president (me). Our friends at CSA also had nothing to do with the prank, or the release of any proprietary information. Actually, those involved are proud to have been a part of it, and have been known to sporatically erupt into fits of laughter ever since that night. Now, onto the receipe. First, take my Amiga 2000. (Actually, any 2000 will do) Remove everything from the case. Now, get a Macintosh developer friend to donate his Mac II. Remove the motherboard, power supply, drives, and NuBus cards. Now CAREFULLY, because your Macintosh friend is quite nervous at this point, insulate the Mac II motherboard from the Amiga 2000 case. Create a non-conductive plate to place the Apple power supply on (above the motherboard). Take one Mac floppy drive, and mount it across the back of the 2000 (across the slots). Put everything together, and print "Amiga 3000" labels to stick everywhere. FCC emission warning labels are also a nice touch. You may connect the 2000 keyboard somewhere inside the case (it won't be used). Make sure to place a label on the Mac mouse. As for programming Workbench 2.0, this is where your Macintosh friend comes in handy. Use his conversion program to take 24 bit files from Digi-View and Sculpt 3D, and transfer the data onto the Mac. (What? He doesn't have a conversion program? Well, I guess his name's not Mark Granger then...) Next, spend many hours in Pixel Paint drawing a 640x480 futuristic-looking Workbench screen. Put the whole thing together in a nice slideshow (mouse controllable), and you're all set. For the meeting, get some salesperson-type friends of yours. Brief them before the meeting on the Amiga marketplace, and the Amiga 3000. Invite Gerry (Rad Moose) Humpherey to the meeting to take lots of pictures and say he's from "Amiga View" magazine. Remember not to act astounded when several members of your group say they've heard of the magazine. Do some consulting with Los Angeles Users Group wizard Mark Randall. During the meeting, let everyone know some folks from Commodore are stopping by on the way to the airport. When they arrive, introduce yourself and speak in a hushed voice for awhile. Let them do the demo, and make sure Gerry takes lots of pictures. For the inevitable questions that your group will ask, have prepared answers like "we really can't say at this time", "unfortunately, I'm in marketing and don't have that kind of technical information", and "we'll certainly take that into consideration." Make the demonstration fairly short (10 min), so that nobody screws up too bad. Quickly go on with the rest of the meeting, although at this point muffled conversations will obstinate for the rest of the evening. This is good. You've now created your first Amiga 3000. Watch local BBS's, Usenet, BIX, and PLink closely. When a few soreheads start messing up everyone's fun, call John Foust. He'll tell you (after laughing uncontrollably for awhile) to tell everybody who got upset to go to hell. Ask him if you can quote him on this statement. Dale Luck should be calling about now. Explain the joke, and send him pictures. Send a letter and pictures to Dave Haynie (or whoever else you know) in West Chester. Finally, post this message, and don't forget to tell your users group they've been had at the next meeting. Remember at Devcon to buy everybody a beer. ;-) P.S. Yes, I'm willing to accept flames from people with no sense of humor, but please do not clog the newsgroup. Send your replies to shartford@ucsd.edu. Please note that only calm, intelligent mail will be responded to, while flames will be sent to /dev/null. -- Stephen Hartford San Diego Amiga Users Group shartford@ucsd.edu P.O. Box 80186, San Diego, CA 92138-0186