Path: utzoo!mnetor!uunet!husc6!bloom-beacon!mit-eddie!ll-xn!ames!pasteur!ucbvax!UHUPVM1.BITNET!EPSYNET From: EPSYNET@UHUPVM1.BITNET (Psychnet Newsletter and Bulletin Board) Newsgroups: sci.psychology Subject: psychnet Message-ID: <8805040347.AA20542@jade.berkeley.edu> Date: 3 May 88 04:51:48 GMT Sender: daemon@ucbvax.BERKELEY.EDU Reply-To: Psychnet Distribution list Organization: The Internet Lines: 73 From: Stormwalker I have been working with "impaired professionals" for the past few years. This term simply means that they have been addicted to legal or illegal substances which has impaired their ability to work. I have always known how hard it was for them to come to another professional and acknowledge that they needed help. I understood this on an intellectual level, this week I learned what it felt like on an emotional level. Three weeks ago my husband of many years was admitted for some routine surgery. He was found to have lymphoma..cancer. A large mass in his abdomen. His spleen was removed and various biopsies were performed. I was in shock. I was told over the telephone by his surgeon. The next day an oncologist was brought in as a consultant. My husband was in a two bed room. My husband,myself the oncologist sat about four feet from the other patient who had as visitors three adults and two children. I asked Dr. X "what is the prognosis?" He answered quite casually "Oh, two maybe five years at the most". I have no words to describe my feelings. I could not believe that he had told me this in such a manner. In the days that followed I was to find out that my status as a fellow professional seemed to blank out my persona as a wife and a human being. I was only asked once if I was "OK." the expectation seemed to be that because of my professional standing I was not expected to feel what every other wife would feel and if I did I was not expected to express it. I knew then on a real gut level what some of my clients had gone through. I still feel a sense of outrage towards a system that denies the humanity of those human beings working as professionals within it. I am leaving here in three weeks and will be at the Swedish Tumor Institute in Seattle. I will be known there only as "Harry's wife" and not as "Dr Young" because it is Harry's wife who is going to the Swedish Tumor Institute with him. I will then be,I hope, treated as such and be able to have some of my physical and emotional needs met. My question to you and to anyone else who reads this is ; What are we doing to each other? have we determined that professionalism is so important that we are out of touch with our own needs? When we are treating other professionals for whatever reason do we remember that they are just human beings that hurt and make mistakes like any other? Have we developed expectations of ourselves and others based upon denial? upon elitism? I am writing this in the hope that it reminds all of us that we NEED to treat fellow professionals as though they were human beings in pain like any other. Most importantly that I and all the others be allowed to behave like a human being and grieve, be hurt, be angry , that expectations of behaviors are those that could reasonably be expected of any other person. What are our expectations of each other in time of stress and pain and grief? are those expectations different? should they be? and if they are different I need to ask ..why? Finally, how can we change this? Nora