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From: mcb@mica.berkeley.edu (Michael C. Berch)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: Salman Rushdie one-liners
Keywords: chuckle, offense=Iranians
Message-ID: <3021@looking.UUCP>
Date: 29 Mar 89 11:30:06 GMT
Sender: funny@looking.UUCP
Lines: 45
Approved: funny@looking.UUCP
Reply-Path: uunet!mica.berkeley.edu!mcb

These are all from a newspaper feature article in the San Francisco 
_Chronicle_ Datebook, March 5, 1989, though I've heard at least three
of the one-liners on the radio or TV.  I don't feel too bad about 
extracting the best lines, since that's what the writer did with the 
comics.  The entire article is a full page; these are just a few of
the lines.

I also violated the one-joke-per-submission rule, since these really
all go together as a whole.   Have fun.

Offensive to Moslems/Iranians and bookburners, of course.

------------------------- (cut here)----------------------

>From the San Francisco _Chronicle_ Datebook section, March 5, 1989,
"'The Satanic Verses' -- Comics Laugh It Off"

(The names are Bay Area or nationally-known stand-up comics...)

"Khomeini's idea of 'opening up to the West' means allowing
non-Muslims to hunt Rushdie." --Don Stevens

[Commenting on small nightclub crowd] "This looks like a Salman
Rushdie book-signing party"  --Fred Reiss

"If there were a $6 million bounty on me, I'd kill myself just for the
reward.  For that much, I think the Muscular Dystrophy people ought to
go after him."  --David Feldman

"If Rushdie's book got Khomeini mad, wait till he sees the swimsuit
edition of the Koran."  --Johnny Carson

[Shaking his head] "...and wait until Khomeini finds out Safeway
carries pork."  --Bob Lacey

[Answering machine tape] "We're not here right now; we've gone to
England to kill Salman Rushdie."  --Alex Reid

"I translated 'The Satanic Verses' into Spanish, and now there's a
10 million-peso price on my head.  What an insult; I"m worth more than
a nickel."  --Jose' Simon
--
Edited by Brad Templeton.  MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.UUCP
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible.  I will reply, mailers willing.
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