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From: nadel@aerospace.aero.org (Miriam H. Nadel)
Newsgroups: soc.feminism
Subject: Montreal
Message-ID: <5771@yunexus.UUCP>
Date: 9 Dec 89 23:50:13 GMT
Organization: York University   Department of Philosophy
Lines: 46
Approved: nadel@aerospace.aero.org
Status: R


I am concerned about something regarding the Montreal massacre and I
want to put it out for comments.  Women in Thunder Bay, Ontario have
organized a vigil for the victims, to mourn them, and will bar men
from attending.  They feel it is a 'personal, emotional event' and
don't want to exclude men from the issue but want them to 'take
responsibility for the issue of male violence themselves'.  They don't
think they can fully express their emotions and grief with men
present, and want the men to organize their own event.

Violence against women is a societal problem, not men's problem or
women's problem.  It is social values (?) that condone the degradation
and 'victim' face of women.  It isn't a problem that men alone or
women alone can even begin to solve.  A change of social attitudes is
required in order to show some men that such behaviour is
unacceptable.  And that includes both men and women.  Now, don't jump
on me - I'm not saying that women are responsible for their
victim-face, only that any, even tacit, acceptance or passivity with
regard to any kind of victim-treatment is unacceptable.  And this
again requires change on both parts.  You can't exclude men from
mourning for victims of a sexist crime alongside women.  That says, to
me anyway, that this is a women's-problem - it's our grief and we have
to deal with it - but it isn't a women's problem.  It happens to
women, but its a social problem.  When we view ourselves as people, as
people to whom bad things happen, when we don't segregate ourselves
along gender boundaries, then we'll have come a long way towards
respect for each other on the basis of our humanity.  I, for one, want
respect as a person, as a human being, and I want it from other
persons.  And I don't think I'll get it if I segregate myself outside
the boundaries of people-in-general, and focus on myself as having a
distinct status like woman.  Sure, lots of things have happened to me
in my life simply because I'm a woman, but lots of things have also
happened because of the person I am.

Again, to my main point, I don't think it is treating men with respect
if we say to them that we can't mourn alongside you.  This is a
tragedy of society.